DOING HARD THINGS With François de Neuville

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Howard, hello. It's Howard Brown. It's the Shining

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Brightly Show, oh my goodness, I have an amazing guest this week,

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all the way from the Dominican Republic on his way to Mexico,

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is François de Neuville. Did I say it correctly?

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François de Neuville: Yeah, yeah. Almost. Howard, thanks for

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having me. I took Latin, and I should have learned French, of

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course. So anyways, I'm so happy to have you. Big shout out to

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Alex Smith for introducing us. She's in Mexico right now. I

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think she's a world traveler too. And oh, you are going to be

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excited. My audience is going to love you, so let me just tell

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you a little bit about you. So Francois is a former Commando,

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paratrooper turned adventurer. We're going to learn about some

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of those amazing ventures. He now advises young seven figure

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entrepreneurs on business and leadership, and he leads them on

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extreme expeditions. It's very experiential for men. He's the

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author of the illusion in time, 11 lessons of how not to suck at

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life. Let's not suck at life.

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He published this book, and also he's going to

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tell us he miraculously survived a deadly earthquake and a

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tsunami. We got to learn about that. He did some heroic things

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there too. For the past eight years, he lives his nomadic

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life, chasing adventure across the globe, pushing himself to

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live his best life and inspiring others to do the same. Oh, my

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God, I'm just like so excited to talk to you, but first I need to

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ask you, how do you shine brightly each day?

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François de Neuville: I would say that this commitment to

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myself to live my best life is a way that you know when you spend

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time with people or living their dream and doing everything they

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can to live the life they imagined, it's give this very

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high energy and motivation and desire to do the same thing. And

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I think that's my way of this commitment to myself is also

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shining around me. I think

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so Exactly. So you use your shining light, okay, to

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live as a role model, to inspire others in business, in life, in

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health and in relationships. And that's what that's what your

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coaches do, and it's such an important function as you lift

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up the others around you in the world, around you, locally and

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even on a worldwide basis. Since you travel all over the world,

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fill in, fill in the place a little bit. Tell me a little bit

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more about your background and who you are.

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François de Neuville: Yeah, when I was pretty young, I joined the

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Army, and I worked my way through to become an officer and

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become under paratroopers. So that took me, like, almost seven

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years, and then I was on active duty for two and after nine

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years, I love my job. Everything was incredible. Being a platoon

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leader was was really, really nice. I really enjoyed the

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adrenaline, the training that we got, which was very hard, but

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also built me up. And one day, I was like, I love everything I'm

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doing, but I know there is something else I can get from

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life, and I need to go find out. And I decided to quit, which was

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a very top decision. And I started traveling around the

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world with my wife and and just going on adventure from one to

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the other, and exploring places and living this dream that I had

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when I was really young was really fulfilling. And then,

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like, Okay, I want to maintain that lifestyle. And I started

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thinking about, how can I create a business to sustain my life

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and to keep traveling and to support others, and everything

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kind of fell into place after I nearly died in a tsunami and

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earthquake that gave me this, this really big desire to really

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support others. Hold on there. We're gonna go. We're gonna go

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there next. Yeah,

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it's okay. You're going all right. So tell me some

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lessons learned about your first of all, thank you for your

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service in the military, and that was in Belgium.

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in Belgium. Beautiful. Tell me some lessons

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François de Neuville: In Belgium, yeah,

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learned, okay, from kind of growing up in in the military

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leadership and trust and things like that. So what are some of

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the lessons learned?

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François de Neuville: Yeah, I think one of the main thing I

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learned was how to be able to create a vision beyond your

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circumstances. And in the sense of the training I followed was

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really tough, one of the hardest things I've done in my life, and

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to go through that training, I had constantly to imagine myself

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at the end of it so I could bear the daily struggle every day for

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month, you know. And I think this ability to project myself

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in the future and say, Hey, what I'm whatever I'm facing now, is

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temporary. I can go through it with strength and courage. I

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know what's on the other side. And, you know, so often we get

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really this narrow view of we are cold, and we think we're

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going to be cold forever, or we're in pain, and we think

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we're going to be in pain forever. You know, we tend to

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make whatever we feel forever, but it's actually temporary, and

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creating this mindset of whatever I'm facing right now

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one day is going to be over when I go through hard things, really

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helped me in all different facets of life. And I would say

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that in the military, the thing I learned.

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Is to build my mind to really mind. And having a

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you were challenged mentally, you were

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challenged physically. I guarantee it right. And you also

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had to learn trust and teamwork. It's not a one man show. This is

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the thing. So I looked the basis of the military, the discipline

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that you had, that you bring forth in your adventurous life

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now, because that's with you and that that's really important.

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Now, you already teased it up a little bit. What happened in

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Indonesia in 2018

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François de Neuville: I was at the wrong place at the wrong

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time, and I was on the beach, and when an earthquake

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devastated the city where I was in. I was there for a

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paragliding competition, and everything started collapsing,

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and it was followed very fast after by a tsunami that also

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completely destroyed the coast. So I was on the beach, and I

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managed. I got very lucky to survive, and I think my also my

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military training kicked in, and I could really put all these

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emotions, because it's very traumatic to experience that,

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and you cannot really comprehend. It's really

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confusing. And then, I mean, I could really have this past

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reaction that helped me stay alive, and I saw a little girl

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that I risk you in a collapsing building there, and having her

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in my arms, that was just her and me. And it gave me this

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mission, this this very strong purpose to survive. Because she

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was five years old. She was so small, and I just had her, and

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we were just, yeah, that was it. Like, without me, I don't know

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if she would survive. And so I was like, I'm going to do

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everything I can to to keep her safe and alive, and that gave me

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the drive, or the strength, emotionally and physically, to

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go through everything that happened in those, I mean, those

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few hours that were really that killed a lot of people. 4000

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people died that day. I lost a lot of my friends also. So yeah,

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on the after, when I, when I came back from this very

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traumatic event, thank God, my wife was not there with me. She

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was in another place in Indonesia, and I came back to

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her. And then the following weeks were really hard trying to

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deal with this post traumatic stress, because I could, I could

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not unseen, what I've what I saw. So that was, that was quite

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intense, and that followed me for for quite a while, you know,

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trying to rebuild purpose in my life, and trying to deal with

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the grief and and this feeling of injustice, of having people

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who passed like they didn't deserve that. And so it really,

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I really went on to a big journey of understanding. But

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how can I make the most out of my life? Because I got a second

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chance in life. And I know you know what I'm talking about when

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I say that, Oh, stage four cancer survivor, I second third

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chances. They don't come along this often. I have to, I have to

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ask you a question, because what I'm just taking right now, okay?

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And I know you have the book, but your, your your our military

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training. Okay, your survival instincts, okay, you saved this

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young child. Did she reunite with her family? Or did she lose

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right after it? Yeah, right after the day after, she managed

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to find someone. I mean, her mom survived. She was in very bad

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states, but she survived. Her dad survived also. And the day

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after, we could manage to bring them back to people she knew,

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and then, yeah, so everything went well for her, and I visited

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her a few months later, and we're still in touch today,

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like, like, six years later,

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I did read a quote from from your book that you

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know we're all going to die. Nobody knows when. I'll just add

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that God knows when, when your number is called. God knows

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when. But I did, I did read that that's a beautiful thing, that

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you are able to save a life and save your own life, and but the

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trauma you carry it with you for your life you're never going to

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actually get. It's always with you. You have to do something,

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and I call trauma from cancer, from an earthquake, from

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survivorship, darkness, and now you have to build up the light

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to take away from that darkness and that trauma and process it.

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And you have and you have, but it's always with you.

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François de Neuville: But you know, yeah, it's absolutely

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always with you. But I think a trauma can define you in two

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ways, because it will define you no matter what, but it can

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either crush you, and you bear the weight of it being like it,

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and you resist it like it's unfair. I should not, I didn't

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deserve, etc, and then you fight what happened. And so you fight

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life, which is pointless, but we tend to do that a lot, right?

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And the other way is to use that promise. It's going to define

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me, but it's going to help me grow. And I'm not saying it's

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easy, because if you would have told me that two days after, I

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would have punched you in the face. No, no kidding, I would. I

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was not ready to hear that. But right now, with a bit more space

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and looking at it from more perspective, I'm like, You know

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what? There was. This was a very traumatic experience, but it did

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change my life for the better, because thanks to that, I'm kind

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of grateful it happened somehow. I'm not happy it happened. If

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you could.

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Not, I mean, good, but I can see the lesson, and I can see how it

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changed my life for the better, and how it puts me on a on the

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path that I'm here. We do today, actually, thanks to that event,

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you know, it doesn't take the trauma away, it doesn't take the

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pain away, but on that I can build, uh, fulfillment and

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happiness, you know, love.

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Another one of your quotes is, life is

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precious, and boy, do both of us know it. We embrace it. We know

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it's precious. So, so let's talk about, you're an adventurer, so

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why don't you know I've come I'm meeting you like, like, I think

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we got introduced a couple months ago, but I had a week for

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you to finish your last adventure. So you just went on

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the Pacific Crest Trail from Mexico all the way up to what

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Vancouver, Canada, to the Canadian border, yeah.

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François de Neuville: And I just finished, like, two weeks ago,

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yeah, I was okay. I had probably about a desire to do it through

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hike. I always wanted to do it through hike, to go into in the

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forest, in nature for months at a time, and just walk a very

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long distance. And I heard first of the Appalachian trail that a

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lot of people know about. And I was about doing research. I

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found the Pacific Crest Trail. And I'm, I'm more like, like,

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the mountains is my playground, you know, I really like that.

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And I thought, you know, if I don't do it now, when it's a

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five month hike, I mean, it's a long journey, it's 2650 miles,

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I'm like, it's very scary to start doing such a thing,

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because I worked so hard for my business. I put everything into

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place. I have momentum, and I'm just gonna go in the woods. I

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was like, I got to do it. I need to walk my talk. Because I keep

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telling the people I work with, like, what are the dreams in

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your life? Let's work on them. Let's make them happen. That

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that was one of my dream I had to and so I put everything on

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both and with my wife, we started, and I started working

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from the Mexican border. And unfortunately, she got injured,

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so she could not finish, but she gave me the support and the

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space to say, go for it. Keep doing. Go to the end. And so I

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walked, I kept the continuous food path from the Mexican

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border across California, Oregon and Washington, and I finally

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reached the Canadian border in northern Washington, in the

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North Cascades National Park, which is absolutely amazing the

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late September and having this beautiful feeling of

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accomplishment. And also I learned a lot being walking for

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10 to 12 hours every single day, being alone in the woods. There

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are other people liking that trade. I was not alone for five

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months, absolutely not. Usually I was meeting people at camp,

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etc. But during the day, everybody's walking at his own

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peace. Pace, sorry. So I was, I was really alone most of the

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time, and then you have this moment where you cannot ignore

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the thoughts that you have. You cannot ignore deny the noise

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that is up there that we all have. I know I'm not crazy.

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Yeah, we all have those voices, right? And then facing all of

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that and being like, Okay, I'm gonna, I'm gonna face everything

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I didn't face, I'm going to grieve those different things in

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my life that didn't take time to grieve. And I'm really going to

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slow down and take a complete break of all distractions that

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we're constantly bombarded with, social media and advertisement

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and and the business of cities, etc. There everything that I

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experienced was very present centered. I had no connection.

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So everything that happened as an immediate reaction, and I

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could really tap into that. And, yeah, that was a profound

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experience. Those are, those are great lessons.

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And you even said it, you created a new reality.

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But what I want someone to say is that you, you spoke to me

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when we spoke earlier, that you met people. You met it. You had

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experiences. And I think one of the takeaways that I got from

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you is that the generosity the community of the other hikers on

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their way passing by to assist anyone in you know, in their

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need. And when you went into a small town to get supplies, or

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if you needed something, or someone else needed something. I

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didn't realize that out in the middle of strangers meeting in

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the middle of nowhere, yeah, this was incredible.

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François de Neuville: Like every hikers, we are sharing all the

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same goals, so we really understand we are on the same

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journey. We are sharing the same difficulties, the same highs and

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the same lows. But also for the people who are supporting the

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hikers, like I was, I would be arriving in a small village or

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small town, and then, like, I need to do some laundry, but I

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was no laundromat. And some random people say, Hey, don't

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worry, I'll pick you up. You come to my home. You can sit in

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my living room, I'll do the laundry for you, and then you

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can go back on trail and I drop you back. Or people just

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offering meals. And I was so touched by the kindness and

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generosity of people. We're like, you know, they just wanted

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to pay it forward. And that was one of the big lesson of my

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trail, and I really want to do that in the future. More of that

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at least. I had one of my friend who said, what's your big wish

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for the world? And I thought, I think my big wish is that

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everyone is paying it forward a little bit more. Because when

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you pay it forward to someone else, this person is inspired to

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do the same. And so that creates this domino effect where

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everybody does a small, small thing to help someone else, and

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then it's spread all around the planet very fast. And that

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creates this high energy, high frequency and and just makes

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people feel like we're not alone. We can be supported by

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others, and we. Can support others without having a motive.

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We can just give because we can, and we don't need to wait to

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receive before giving. And that was such a big lesson for me in

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Australia, like to really experience that. Yeah, that was

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really beautiful,

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absolutely incredible, because that's

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chapter one of my book of shining brightly to choose

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choose kindness, choose giving, choose healing, choose

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gratitude, choose joy, choose not to hate. So this is

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completely aligned. I love it, and you discovered it and lived

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it out there. Tell me very briefly, because I want people

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to go out and buy your book, but tell me just the tease about

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illusions of time and what you wrote about.

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François de Neuville: Yeah. So in this book The Illusion of

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Time, I really shared my experience of surviving the

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earthquake and the tsunami, but most importantly, I share about

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different lessons that I got in my life, and I really wanted to

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share that with other people. So like, Hey, this is what I've

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learned. And the main message of the book is like, we tend to

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live with this illusion of infinite time. We tend to keep

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postponing our best life for later. You know, like, Oh, I'll

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do that in January. I'll do that in three months. Oh, I'll do

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that next weekend. And we can postponing and postponing, but

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we don't know what's going to happen tomorrow, and we tend to

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deny our own mortality, and sometimes it needs a big slap in

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the face to realize that we are not immune. Things can happen no

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matter when. I mean, it can happen tomorrow. And so if we

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keep postponing who we want to be, how we want to show up in

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the world, we might never get there. And for me, having this

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circumstance in life and facing death really made made me like

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whoa. I don't need to wait to be sick to pay attention to my

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health. I don't need to wait to have divorced paper on the table

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to put more time in my relationship with my wife. I

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don't need to wait to die to realize, Oh, damn, I should have

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done those things. You know, we can make a decision to do those

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things today tomorrow, that's really living with more

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intention. So we don't settle for random, because it's easy to

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settle for random in this society that is giving so much

Howard Brown: 00:16:57

destruction all the time, and then we don't really live our

Howard Brown: 00:16:59

life anymore until we regret, and I don't want to regret, I

Howard Brown: 00:17:02

want to make the most of my second chance, because a lot of

Howard Brown: 00:17:05

my friends didn't got a second chance right back there in

Howard Brown: 00:17:08

Indonesia. And I think at least just to honor the memory they to

Howard Brown: 00:17:12

honor them, I really have to do that. And that's a promise I

Howard Brown: 00:17:15

made to myself. Yeah, I love, I love that promise. I do the same

Howard Brown: 00:17:18

with with cancer patients that got called to call to heaven,

Howard Brown: 00:17:23

and for the ones that are fighting in treatment. And I

Howard Brown: 00:17:25

tell people not to get cancer. That's the best thing. Live your

Howard Brown: 00:17:28

best life. Don't get it. It's horrible. All right, just touch

Howard Brown: 00:17:31

base a little bit on your executive coaching and your

Howard Brown: 00:17:34

experiential kind of work that you do, on taking these trips

Howard Brown: 00:17:39

the modern masculinity. I'm really excited about that. So

Howard Brown: 00:17:42

talk about that just a little bit. Yeah, I have a passion. I

Howard Brown: 00:17:45

mean, since I joined the Army and when I was younger, I have a

Howard Brown: 00:17:47

passion for adventure, extreme sport, adrenaline and all of

Howard Brown: 00:17:50

that. And so, like, you know what? I'm going to combine this

Howard Brown: 00:17:53

and create an environment for coaching, because I love

Howard Brown: 00:17:57

coaching. This is the passion I had since this traumatic event

Howard Brown: 00:18:01

happened in my life. Like really dedicated my time to get better

Howard Brown: 00:18:04

and inspire others to do the same thing. And so I love

Howard Brown: 00:18:07

coaching through zoom. It's fun or in person, but if I can take

Howard Brown: 00:18:10

people and go jump from a bridge, and we talk about

Howard Brown: 00:18:14

courage and fears, or we just go climbing, rock climbing, in on a

Howard Brown: 00:18:19

canyon, and we climb up, and you realize, whoa, the path up is

Howard Brown: 00:18:22

hard. Sometimes I slip, sometimes I need to do left and

Howard Brown: 00:18:25

right. Sometimes I fall, and I realize I don't have the skills

Howard Brown: 00:18:28

to get there. I need to learn, I need to train myself, and then

Howard Brown: 00:18:31

I'm going to get there. So actually, everything is a

Howard Brown: 00:18:33

metaphor. And so not only we talk about concept in the

Howard Brown: 00:18:36

cognitive level, but you feel the emotions in your body. And

Howard Brown: 00:18:38

whenever you feel something, you remember it. And so you can,

Howard Brown: 00:18:41

yeah, this is this part and the brotherhood. I you know, in the

Howard Brown: 00:18:44

army, we have this very tight brotherhood, and I kind of miss

Howard Brown: 00:18:48

that when I was driving and moving a lot and I had a lot of

Howard Brown: 00:18:51

friends. But I wanted to go deeper and creating this

Howard Brown: 00:18:54

brotherhood. When we have a group of guys who are there to

Howard Brown: 00:18:56

support each other, to challenge each other, and to grow

Howard Brown: 00:18:58

together, I think to me, it's priceless. And I really wanted

Howard Brown: 00:19:02

to create that brotherhood through that expedition, because

Howard Brown: 00:19:06

we go do difficult things, and when we go through hardship, we

Howard Brown: 00:19:10

tend to connect well with each other. And then you see like,

Howard Brown: 00:19:13

Oh, I'm going to support you, because right now your fear of

Howard Brown: 00:19:15

height, and we go climbing, and another one is fear of water,

Howard Brown: 00:19:18

and we go kayaking or rafting, and you're like, Whoa. And then

Howard Brown: 00:19:21

we can all support each other. And you realize also that you're

Howard Brown: 00:19:24

not alone in facing the difficulties that you're facing

Howard Brown: 00:19:26

in your life. If you can tap it, that support network, that

Howard Brown: 00:19:29

support group, you become, I would say, almost invincible, to

Howard Brown: 00:19:33

move forward, because, you know, someone got you back, and that

Howard Brown: 00:19:37

feels great, and I really want that for other people. So those

Howard Brown: 00:19:40

expeditions are in nature. We go survive. We go in the mountains,

Howard Brown: 00:19:44

we go in the jungle, and it's intense. It's not for everyone,

Howard Brown: 00:19:47

for sure, but that makes me, that makes me alive, but I'm

Howard Brown: 00:19:51

sure it has profound things to for your life, for yourself, for

Howard Brown: 00:19:56

your family, for your spouse, or relationships.

Howard Brown: 00:19:59

Uh, for you and your business, it's profound. So

Howard Brown: 00:20:03

well, this incredible, this show, is always a tease, because

Howard Brown: 00:20:06

there's so much more that we want to talk about. But we're

Howard Brown: 00:20:09

going to have you put on your sunglasses. Okay? Because it's

Howard Brown: 00:20:12

the time for the shining brightly spotlight, and we're

Howard Brown: 00:20:15

going to shine brightly together. And I want people to

Howard Brown: 00:20:18

tell people how they should best get a hold of you. Okay, I will,

Howard Brown: 00:20:22

of course, include all your links in the show notes and in

Howard Brown: 00:20:25

social media posts, and then let's close the show out with

Howard Brown: 00:20:28

some inspiration and kick it back to me.

Howard Brown: 00:20:31

François de Neuville: Yeah, sure. You can send me an email.

Howard Brown: 00:20:34

You find my email address on the website in the links here, or on

Howard Brown: 00:20:36

social media, on Instagram or on LinkedIn. I like to receive

Howard Brown: 00:20:40

personal messages, that's always better. So yeah, feel free to

Howard Brown: 00:20:43

reach out, even if it's just for a chat, and saying hi and yeah.

Howard Brown: 00:20:49

So I will, I will tell you that there's, if you

Howard Brown: 00:20:53

will spell out your name, but François de Neuville.com or man

Howard Brown: 00:20:58

hyphen uncharted.com, for those that are listening, obviously,

Howard Brown: 00:21:02

LinkedIn, Amazon, Instagram, you can find them. We'll search

Howard Brown: 00:21:05

Francois, you'll find them as well. All right, so put the

Howard Brown: 00:21:08

sunglasses back on, and I want you to share with me an

Howard Brown: 00:21:11

inspirational quote or story that we're going to leave with

Howard Brown: 00:21:14

the audience,

Howard Brown: 00:21:16

François de Neuville: awesome. And that's something that I

Howard Brown: 00:21:25

realized very recently. People say it's never too late to make

Howard Brown: 00:21:36

I love it. Let's get going. Let's start now. So

Howard Brown: 00:21:39

thank you for that. This has been an amazing show. Oh my god.

Howard Brown: 00:21:41

your dream come true, but that's a lie, because one day it will

Howard Brown: 00:21:43

You have to get to know Francois and his adventures and his

Howard Brown: 00:21:46

coaching practice and his story. It's deep like mine, and this

Howard Brown: 00:21:50

show just doesn't do it justice. But you've been listening or

Howard Brown: 00:21:54

watching the shining brightly show, and of course, you can get

Howard Brown: 00:21:56

be too late, and we just need to stop denying that. And so if you

Howard Brown: 00:21:58

a hold of me. Howard Brown, your Mr. Shining Brightly at

Howard Brown: 00:22:01

shiningbrightly.com where you can hear about this show, you

Howard Brown: 00:22:05

can see and get a hold of the book, and also bring me to speak

Howard Brown: 00:22:08

and make your event shine brightly. But also very

Howard Brown: 00:22:11

important is my advocacy, my advocacy with the world of

Howard Brown: 00:22:13

know that one day is going to be too late, why not start now?

Howard Brown: 00:22:15

cancer, the mentorship and leadership with Babson College

Howard Brown: 00:22:18

of young people making their mark in the world, and then also

Howard Brown: 00:22:22

with the interfaith world of choosing not to hate that's very

Howard Brown: 00:22:25

important to me, to choose that kindness, as we both discussed

Howard Brown: 00:22:28

That's the message I want to share.

Howard Brown: 00:22:29

as well. And I want to thank the people that got me here. So I've

Howard Brown: 00:22:33

done now over 100 shows. Thank you for the loyal listening,

Howard Brown: 00:22:37

over 210,000 downloads. I'm so grateful that you care to check

Howard Brown: 00:22:40

in with me once a week for 30 minutes of your day, and I'll

Howard Brown: 00:22:44

give special thanks out to read the spirit, which is a weekly

Howard Brown: 00:22:48

magazine that I blog in my publishing house called front

Howard Brown: 00:22:51

edge publishing, the place that makes me look good my podcast

Howard Brown: 00:22:55

services, which is amplify you out of British Columbia,

Howard Brown: 00:22:58

Vancouver. And then lastly, diamond moments magazine. So

Howard Brown: 00:23:01

thank you for your sponsorship and your dedication to me, and

Howard Brown: 00:23:05

just remember, if we choose to shine brightly, that Francois

Howard Brown: 00:23:09

and I do every day, okay, to lift up yourself, first take

Howard Brown: 00:23:12

care of self, then go lift up others, our neighborhoods, our

Howard Brown: 00:23:16

communities and the world will be a better place. Francois,

Howard Brown: 00:23:19

it's just been a pleasure. Thank you for a great

Howard Brown: 00:23:22

François de Neuville: Thank you Howard, Thank you.

Howard Brown: 00:23:25

Excellent.