WHAT IS TRUE LOVE?

Howard Brown: 00:00:02

Hello, it's Howard Brown. Welcome to the Shining

Howard Brown: 00:00:04

Brightly show. All your Maestro at the mic. I've got a good one

Howard Brown: 00:00:08

today. Relationships. It makes the world go round. Oh my

Howard Brown: 00:00:13

goodness, it's such an important topic. Ry Duong Thank you.

Howard Brown: 00:00:17

Welcome. I'm so glad you're here. Look at your bright and

Howard Brown: 00:00:20

shiny smile. You're already shining brightly. So welcome to

Howard Brown: 00:00:23

my show.

Ry Duong: 00:00:24

Thank you so much, Howard for having me. I'm just

Ry Duong: 00:00:26

honoured to be in your present.

Howard Brown: 00:00:29

Well, we just did your live stream, which was

Howard Brown: 00:00:30

amazing. Because you got to feature you know, my actually

Howard Brown: 00:00:35

relationship and romance and lifelong partner, Lisa, my wife

Howard Brown: 00:00:39

and chapter six of my book. So thank you. So let me back on

Howard Brown: 00:00:43

here. This is amazing. I have to tell people about you because

Howard Brown: 00:00:46

your energy is amazing. Okay, you bring it all the time. And I

Howard Brown: 00:00:51

am just so appreciative of that. So this is gonna be a high

Howard Brown: 00:00:54

powered show. So Ry Duong, also known as the cupid whisperer,

Howard Brown: 00:01:00

leader, for true love this, it's so important. You are a

Howard Brown: 00:01:03

relationship coach with a passion for helping single women

Howard Brown: 00:01:07

attract their ideal partners, hopefully single men too,

Howard Brown: 00:01:10

because they got to have that core, or maybe even same

Howard Brown: 00:01:13

partners. You know, we live in a modern world. But having

Howard Brown: 00:01:16

overcome some personal struggles, you witnessed

Howard Brown: 00:01:19

devastating impact and heartbreak yourself. You're

Howard Brown: 00:01:22

dedicated to empowering others to find love and create that

Howard Brown: 00:01:25

fulfilment in relationship really hard. So you need we all

Howard Brown: 00:01:29

need help with that. Your track record of success stories of

Howard Brown: 00:01:33

helping people connect, you understand that challenges of

Howard Brown: 00:01:36

dating firsthand. And you bring a very unique perspective to

Howard Brown: 00:01:39

your coaching. And your mission is to guide individuals to

Howard Brown: 00:01:43

finding compatibility, lasting love and living their dreams.

Howard Brown: 00:01:47

That is so beautiful. Now, here's the question, tell my

Howard Brown: 00:01:52

listeners something they might not know about you.

Ry Duong: 00:01:55

Oh, I actually, I am Cambodian. And I speak four

Ry Duong: 00:01:59

languages. So English, French, Cambodian, and Vietnamese. So

Ry Duong: 00:02:04

now over the time, yes, over the time, like I use the spoke

Ry Duong: 00:02:08

fluently Vietnamese, but since I have not spoken for 30 years, I

Ry Duong: 00:02:12

can only understand it's harder the accent now to speak. But it

Ry Duong: 00:02:16

wouldn't take me long if I like let's say I immersed with

Ry Duong: 00:02:18

Vietnamese for like, the next two months, and then I'll come

Ry Duong: 00:02:21

back.

Howard Brown: 00:02:22

Okay, here. We're gonna go on off script here. I

Howard Brown: 00:02:25

want to actually in each language say love, love. Love.

Howard Brown: 00:02:30

Alright, so Cambodian. How would you say love?

Ry Duong: 00:02:33

Um, I'm going to start with the French one.

Howard Brown: 00:02:36

Um, okay. Um, all right.

Ry Duong: 00:02:39

And then and then in Cambodian salaam salon. Okay. I

Ry Duong: 00:02:47

don't know what that one would be what it would be now. I can

Ry Duong: 00:02:51

only understand when they speak now.

Howard Brown: 00:02:53

That's okay. That's all right. I just because

Howard Brown: 00:02:57

every The reason I did that is every language has love.

Ry Duong: 00:03:01

Yes. It really is

Howard Brown: 00:03:02

It's universal. That was why I did that. I hope

Howard Brown: 00:03:05

I didn't catch you off guard there. No, it's all good. All

Howard Brown: 00:03:08

right. So I have to tell you, you have to have a background.

Howard Brown: 00:03:13

You just don't appear one day and become you know, this. Cupid

Howard Brown: 00:03:17

whisperer and relationship coach. So take us over, give us

Howard Brown: 00:03:19

a little background. What brought you to that?

Ry Duong: 00:03:21

Absolutely. So I as a child, I've always been into

Ry Duong: 00:03:25

like romantic movies. I'm a hopeless romantic, you know. And

Ry Duong: 00:03:30

but I never really knew that that would actually lead me to

Ry Duong: 00:03:33

the path of where I am right now. I've always been obsessed

Ry Duong: 00:03:36

and passionate about that by fingers own my own personal

Ry Duong: 00:03:39

life. And so about three years ago, when I actually lost my

Ry Duong: 00:03:42

little baby sister to the pression, she suffered from a

Ry Duong: 00:03:45

heartbreak and you know, challenges and different things.

Ry Duong: 00:03:49

So she left this world. And so I saw that, I can either lay down

Ry Duong: 00:03:56

on the ground and go because we were like, twin sisters. She was

Ry Duong: 00:03:59

seven years she was the baby. I'm the oldest. But we were so

Ry Duong: 00:04:03

connected. She was my yin to my Yang. So we brought the best out

Ry Duong: 00:04:07

of each other. And so when she left this where I felt like a

Ry Duong: 00:04:12

part of me left, I don't feel that anymore. But when she did

Ry Duong: 00:04:15

leave at that point, I realised, okay, here's life throwing you

Ry Duong: 00:04:20

adversity, you can either stay down on the ground, or you pick

Ry Duong: 00:04:24

yourself up at that time, I couldn't pick myself up, I was

Ry Duong: 00:04:27

crawling. And I said, I'm getting us I'm gonna celebrate

Ry Duong: 00:04:33

the 30 years that I have this amazing 30 years that I have

Ry Duong: 00:04:37

with her, us that love because we were so tight and create

Ry Duong: 00:04:42

something magical. So I started the business on relationship. I

Ry Duong: 00:04:45

was already I was a trained social worker already. I'm

Ry Duong: 00:04:48

working in the field for decades. And I said well, I want

Ry Duong: 00:04:53

to be able to really focus hone in on love because I want her

Ry Duong: 00:04:58

legacy to to continue To tell the story so the hummingbird is

Ry Duong: 00:05:02

her before she left, she brought me a bracelet. And we both had

Ry Duong: 00:05:05

matching bracelet that says you are making a difference in this

Ry Duong: 00:05:08

world. And it had the hummingbird, which is the

Ry Duong: 00:05:11

carrier of joy and happiness and love to people's life. And so

Ry Duong: 00:05:16

that moment on, it woke me up. I was in a 17 years relationship

Ry Duong: 00:05:22

that was quite toxic in a lot of denial, and we went through a

Ry Duong: 00:05:28

couple of therapy, but when she left this world, I realised that

Ry Duong: 00:05:31

life is too short. I don't want to live another 510 years, not

Ry Duong: 00:05:36

living to my full authentic self and having the love that I saw

Ry Duong: 00:05:40

wants so,

Howard Brown: 00:05:41

so deserve, I want to just tell you that that

Howard Brown: 00:05:46

hummingbird and honouring your baby sister's memory is

Howard Brown: 00:05:51

beautiful. And this is why we're so aligned raised because I

Howard Brown: 00:05:55

teach in my survivorship to get back up again, I have to

Howard Brown: 00:05:59

whatever life throws you, okay, but sometimes it's a slow

Howard Brown: 00:06:03

process. It isn't always overnight, you don't lose 75

Howard Brown: 00:06:06

pounds in two days if you're going on a diet. And so it's a

Howard Brown: 00:06:09

process and I'm sure she's still in your heart, but you're

Howard Brown: 00:06:11

honouring her by having the hummingbird looking over you

Howard Brown: 00:06:14

right now. And I love it. It's just beautiful. And then you got

Howard Brown: 00:06:18

married very young at 21. And then had to come into the dating

Howard Brown: 00:06:21

world later on after 17 years. So you have the experience and

Howard Brown: 00:06:26

your social work experience as well. So thank you for sharing

Howard Brown: 00:06:28

that as well. But here's the question. How do you find true

Howard Brown: 00:06:33

love? And you actually call it how do you cultivate true love?

Howard Brown: 00:06:37

And I love that word? Yes. Where do you start?

Ry Duong: 00:06:40

Yeah, so for me, it really everything is all

Ry Duong: 00:06:44

internal, everything that you put out in the world, it's

Ry Duong: 00:06:47

almost like it's an illusion of what you see out there. But

Ry Duong: 00:06:51

everything gets manifested from inside. And I always knew that

Ry Duong: 00:06:54

as a kid, like I My grandfather was a monk. And before he

Ry Duong: 00:06:59

actually gave up the the lifestyle of being a monk and

Ry Duong: 00:07:02

then got married. But so I've always always at the temple and

Ry Duong: 00:07:07

learning all these moral philosophy, I get very obsessed,

Ry Duong: 00:07:10

like when I go to the temple, in fact, today is the Cambodian

Ry Duong: 00:07:13

Halloween celebration. So my parents actually at the temple,

Ry Duong: 00:07:17

I'm doing this podcast with you. So I'm in there, and spirit and

Ry Duong: 00:07:20

here with you today. And so, I've always learned that

Ry Duong: 00:07:27

anything of what you want must start from within. And so if you

Ry Duong: 00:07:32

want to cultivate true love, true love means it's a deep

Ry Duong: 00:07:36

connection within yourself, where there's actually you are

Ry Duong: 00:07:40

selfless when it comes to either loving yourself having that

Ry Duong: 00:07:44

unconditional self love, it starts within, if you want to

Ry Duong: 00:07:48

overflow to other people, you have to be good and comfortable

Ry Duong: 00:07:51

in your own skin and feeling okay with your imperfection. And

Ry Duong: 00:07:55

so that you can pour onto the love to other people. So this

Ry Duong: 00:07:58

way, it allows you to track that ideal mate, that perfect partner

Ry Duong: 00:08:02

who will also matches and align with your values. So true love

Ry Duong: 00:08:07

to me, it's really about how do I accept myself with all of my

Ry Duong: 00:08:12

facet. And then it's having that unconditional self love to love

Ry Duong: 00:08:16

another human being as who they are giving them that space to

Ry Duong: 00:08:20

exist. And the two of you work as a partnership on this journey

Ry Duong: 00:08:24

through life.

Howard Brown: 00:08:25

Yeah, it's teamwork, I have to say. So I

Howard Brown: 00:08:27

deliver a keynote called look in the mirror. And I have to tell

Howard Brown: 00:08:33

you, what resonated with me as you're talking and saying this

Howard Brown: 00:08:35

is that most people do not like what they see on the mirror.

Howard Brown: 00:08:39

They only look at the imperfections. They look at what

Howard Brown: 00:08:42

they're lacking. And we're in a society today of influencers,

Howard Brown: 00:08:46

you know, a Barbie models and perfection. And the truth is

Howard Brown: 00:08:52

that we're all imperfect. We're all broken in some way. And it's

Howard Brown: 00:08:56

up to you to repair it. So but coming out of the pandemic,

Howard Brown: 00:09:01

loneliness, depression was prevalent. And I have to tell

Howard Brown: 00:09:06

you, you know, being a two time stage four cancer survivor, I

Howard Brown: 00:09:09

look in the mirror and I say I am blessed. I am grateful. And I

Howard Brown: 00:09:13

am lucky. And it's time to help others, because I help others

Howard Brown: 00:09:16

basically helps me help myself. And so you actually work with

Howard Brown: 00:09:22

individuals, women, but also and do you also work with couples?

Ry Duong: 00:09:26

I do. I work with couples. I've worked a lot in

Ry Duong: 00:09:29

the past with couples and now I'm doing couple and mostly in

Ry Duong: 00:09:33

the video because I have a lot of women that are coming to me

Ry Duong: 00:09:36

who are like going on these dating app. And one of the

Ry Duong: 00:09:39

things that I noticed is that there's so much predator out

Ry Duong: 00:09:43

there with these dating system, you know, they have scripts and

Ry Duong: 00:09:46

they can easily really get the woman hooked and then you know,

Ry Duong: 00:09:52

put them in a very vulnerable position. And so I want to be

Ry Duong: 00:09:55

able to help equally men as women to really navigate that

Ry Duong: 00:09:59

dating system. Going through that app, how to decode the

Ry Duong: 00:10:02

behaviour that is being, you know, in the chat, because I

Ry Duong: 00:10:05

have my clients, they're going on day, they like to have advice

Ry Duong: 00:10:09

on how do I show up? How do I dress up? How should I be? What

Ry Duong: 00:10:13

should I do, like, say in terms of the conversation to get him

Ry Duong: 00:10:16

flowing. And I always tell them, it's very, very important when

Ry Duong: 00:10:20

you show up on these days to truly be who you are showing the

Ry Duong: 00:10:24

best asset of who you are, but being real, because oftentimes,

Ry Duong: 00:10:28

we're so eager to try to please the other person, that we lose

Ry Duong: 00:10:32

yourself. And so you're not really connecting, where it's

Ry Duong: 00:10:35

actually aligned with one another. So they text me when

Ry Duong: 00:10:38

they're on these date, or when they get a phone call from the

Ry Duong: 00:10:41

guy that put me on speakers. And I listened through it, and I

Ry Duong: 00:10:44

decode what he's really saying, and how she should be

Ry Duong: 00:10:47

responding, you know, so it's a lot of fun for me,

Howard Brown: 00:10:50

I bet. And so I have to tell you that, you know,

Howard Brown: 00:10:55

I didn't grow up with any of that I'm a little older, right?

Howard Brown: 00:10:58

I've been married for 29 years, and only Son for 31 years. So

Howard Brown: 00:11:02

the online dating started, you know, on the computer, you know,

Howard Brown: 00:11:06

web based, and now it's swipe right, swipe left. And I gotta

Howard Brown: 00:11:11

tell you, it's a little confusing to me. And then, you

Howard Brown: 00:11:15

know, I guess you can put up anything you want in your

Howard Brown: 00:11:17

profile. So what what is real and true is hard to decode. So I

Howard Brown: 00:11:22

people probably do need help, and a second opinion or trusted

Howard Brown: 00:11:25

opinion, to be able to actually know that way. I do have

Howard Brown: 00:11:30

friends, you know, that are now 40s or 50s, and divorced. And

Howard Brown: 00:11:35

they're using the date. And they are meeting people. They are

Howard Brown: 00:11:37

meeting people, a good friend of mine, divorced and met and now

Howard Brown: 00:11:41

getting remarried, after meeting someone on one of the online

Howard Brown: 00:11:45

dating sites and all that sort of stuff. So I don't know a lot

Howard Brown: 00:11:48

about it, but you must. And that's where you're part of your

Howard Brown: 00:11:51

coaching and the cancer where suffering comes out. So what

Howard Brown: 00:11:54

type of you know, like, some people will be shy, right? They

Howard Brown: 00:11:58

look at it and saying, I don't know what I'm doing, or I need

Howard Brown: 00:12:01

help. But they people come to you. And where do you start?

Howard Brown: 00:12:06

What do you start with them? Right? Yeah,

Ry Duong: 00:12:09

I really start with them. I really go through an

Ry Duong: 00:12:11

analysis and assessment a little bit about their history without

Ry Duong: 00:12:15

going in down deep to really gain clarity of like, What were

Ry Duong: 00:12:19

their struggle? What are some of their limiting beliefs in terms

Ry Duong: 00:12:22

of love, you know, a lot of people would say, I want to be

Ry Duong: 00:12:26

able to find love. But as we go through the discussion, I

Ry Duong: 00:12:30

realised they're not there yet. Like, they're not actually, they

Ry Duong: 00:12:34

say they want it, but they're not ready to put in the time and

Ry Duong: 00:12:36

the effort to actually being able to work at it, to be

Ry Duong: 00:12:40

serious about it, and to really attract the love that they want.

Ry Duong: 00:12:43

And there's some old internal baggage and belief that is still

Ry Duong: 00:12:47

holding them back. So we work through all of that to get them

Ry Duong: 00:12:50

to the right space and really gain clarity. What do you truly

Ry Duong: 00:12:54

want? When you say you want love? What does that really

Ry Duong: 00:12:57

mean? And what does that show up? Like? And what kind of woman

Ry Duong: 00:13:01

or men are you actually trying to? It's one thing to say, I

Ry Duong: 00:13:06

want this, but what you truly need is completely different. So

Ry Duong: 00:13:11

I help them to decipher what is the difference between the two

Ry Duong: 00:13:14

and get their compass really focused and aligned so that

Ry Duong: 00:13:18

they're not wasting their time? I don't want like I've been

Ry Duong: 00:13:22

through it before wasting time on it. I want to be able to help

Ry Duong: 00:13:26

them use their time efficiently. Because time you can't buy back.

Ry Duong: 00:13:30

Right, right, right? Yes. And I want them to be able to go on

Ry Duong: 00:13:34

these date clear knowing what they have to do, and then where

Ry Duong: 00:13:38

to look for the right type of mate because you could be doing

Ry Duong: 00:13:41

all of these dating. But if you're in the wrong zone, you're

Ry Duong: 00:13:44

not going to find your perfect mate. And it's frustrating.

Howard Brown: 00:13:48

And some of that's geography based but with these

Howard Brown: 00:13:51

dating apps, they can be anywhere you may and then then

Howard Brown: 00:13:54

you starting into a long distance relationship rather

Howard Brown: 00:13:57

than someone that's local. And that's a different dynamic, I

Howard Brown: 00:14:00

imagine right?

Ry Duong: 00:14:01

Oh, yeah, it's the long distance dating is really

Ry Duong: 00:14:06

complicated. Some couple of very small amount of couple actually

Ry Duong: 00:14:09

make it work. But it's quite different compared to like, you

Ry Duong: 00:14:13

know, you're seeing the person you're able to interact the

Ry Duong: 00:14:15

physical, and really just meeting each other at different

Ry Duong: 00:14:19

location belong distance. It's a lot of like, trust and how do

Ry Duong: 00:14:25

you how do you know you can actually trust the other person

Ry Duong: 00:14:28

and the amount of time separate and apart and not being able to

Ry Duong: 00:14:31

have access to them easily? A lot of insecurity comes into

Ry Duong: 00:14:35

play.

Howard Brown: 00:14:36

Yeah, so the trust factor and we'll talk about that

Howard Brown: 00:14:38

too. All right. I got a couple of questions for you about about

Howard Brown: 00:14:42

dating so All right. So you come to the date. Should you be

Howard Brown: 00:14:47

prepared to the gentleman pay for the dinner or the drinks or

Howard Brown: 00:14:52

split go Dutch?

Ry Duong: 00:14:54

I'll give you my my preference. Ideally, if you're a

Ry Duong: 00:14:59

woman, I I think it's okay. It's important to learn to accept,

Ry Duong: 00:15:04

you know, like if the man is offering and he wants to, and it

Ry Duong: 00:15:07

makes him feel good, why would you actually hinder that? If you

Ry Duong: 00:15:11

really, really stick on like, let's splitting in half, you can

Ry Duong: 00:15:14

do that, if that's how you feel, and that's okay. But I would

Ry Duong: 00:15:18

never offer for the woman to pay for the date, I wouldn't go

Ry Duong: 00:15:21

there it is the first date. It's him showing how He's a gentleman

Ry Duong: 00:15:24

that he really tends and care for you. And I can tell you on

Ry Duong: 00:15:27

one of my few dates, I went to a Tim horn with this one man, and

Ry Duong: 00:15:31

he won't even pay for my massage. And I'm like, I you

Ry Duong: 00:15:35

know what? That's an X. I'm not seeing you again.

Howard Brown: 00:15:39

Yeah, again, some people okay with that. And then

Howard Brown: 00:15:42

right. So next question, is that? Should you actually and

Howard Brown: 00:15:47

again, this is very your general, but do you kiss on the

Howard Brown: 00:15:51

first date,

Ry Duong: 00:15:53

I always say there was like, there's so many rules. But

Ry Duong: 00:15:56

nothing is every a cookie cutter, I really think you

Ry Duong: 00:16:00

really need to go with the synergy and the attraction.

Ry Duong: 00:16:04

Whatever's happening there, if it feels right, and you want to,

Ry Duong: 00:16:08

don't hold back, like, do it because it feels right to you.

Ry Duong: 00:16:12

And then from there you discover. I know there are

Ry Duong: 00:16:15

certain things that people always say, Oh, these rules. And

Ry Duong: 00:16:18

sometimes they work but I don't want people to play a game. It's

Ry Duong: 00:16:21

like, just go with what feels good to your heart. If you're

Ry Duong: 00:16:24

feeling it, he's feeling it and you want to then definitely, but

Ry Duong: 00:16:28

if the energy is not there, and you're not reading it properly,

Ry Duong: 00:16:31

and that's how I teach people to be able to read the energy

Ry Duong: 00:16:34

because if he's giving you a different cue that he's not

Ry Duong: 00:16:37

interested in wanting to kiss and you're pushing it, chances

Ry Duong: 00:16:40

are you might lose him. So there's, there's ways of reading

Ry Duong: 00:16:43

the behaviour, and then knowing when it's the right timing to

Ry Duong: 00:16:46

make those advances. But if your heart feels good, I say, go for

Ry Duong: 00:16:51

it. Trust yourself.

Howard Brown: 00:16:53

And, and also then, if you're not feeling it,

Howard Brown: 00:16:56

you got to be honest, and but be polite, right?

Ry Duong: 00:17:00

Absolutely. Just do it with compassion, because you

Ry Duong: 00:17:04

know, it's hard for everybody going on dates, everybody's

Ry Duong: 00:17:08

looking for love. Everybody wants to feel that they belong

Ry Duong: 00:17:11

and they have somebody a companion that they can go to.

Ry Duong: 00:17:14

So it's just as hard for the guy as for the girls, so if you're

Ry Duong: 00:17:16

not into it, honour that be truthful but saying in a loving

Ry Duong: 00:17:22

way, like find a way to be able to say that to the person and

Ry Duong: 00:17:25

you know, it's there's nothing personal and and one thing I

Ry Duong: 00:17:27

want to make sure that people understand rejection is not a

Ry Duong: 00:17:32

reflection on you. So you know, if it's not working, let it

Ry Duong: 00:17:37

finish move on to the next don't waste your time.

Howard Brown: 00:17:41

Great, great advice for a timing. So you I

Howard Brown: 00:17:44

mean, oh my god. So after the these days, they come back to

Howard Brown: 00:17:47

you. And you've probably heard crazy first dates. So also

Howard Brown: 00:17:52

beautiful first dates, right? You get the report? Yeah, check

Howard Brown: 00:17:55

in with you. Exactly.

Ry Duong: 00:17:57

That's I love I love these first date. I love when

Ry Duong: 00:18:01

they're actually going on this first day. They're very nervous

Ry Duong: 00:18:03

and like how do I dress? Does it look good? And because I have an

Ry Duong: 00:18:07

eye for that kind of stuff. I think it's a talent to like my

Ry Duong: 00:18:10

huge talent is to be able to see through people see the potential

Ry Duong: 00:18:14

see what works. And aesthetically like I'm good at

Ry Duong: 00:18:18

that and think I think that thanks to mom, like the fashion

Ry Duong: 00:18:21

side comes from Mum, but I can always pick up on like that

Ry Duong: 00:18:24

would do you good. There's certain clothing and I always

Ry Duong: 00:18:26

say is like for for different women of different sides.

Ry Duong: 00:18:30

There's always a man for the type of body that you have. And

Ry Duong: 00:18:34

then the type of clothing that you have can actually dress to

Ry Duong: 00:18:36

accent on those features. So don't don't overthink it. We

Ry Duong: 00:18:40

overthink too much. Just go and have an amazing time with

Ry Duong: 00:18:44

another human being Come on.

Howard Brown: 00:18:48

So okay, so what what tips do you offer? You

Howard Brown: 00:18:51

know, what are some of the basics that people have to know

Howard Brown: 00:18:54

entering in and from your coaching?

Ry Duong: 00:18:56

Yeah, so when you're actually coming into the

Ry Duong: 00:18:59

coaching with me, what I really want you to know is like, one

Ry Duong: 00:19:02

Don't be so hard on yourself. Like we're gonna have fun. It's

Ry Duong: 00:19:06

a journey. See it as a journey as a practice. Like when you're

Ry Duong: 00:19:09

going on these dates, don't expect to get marry right away.

Ry Duong: 00:19:13

Put that aside because that pressure it is not helpful at

Ry Duong: 00:19:17

all. So when you go in with a desperation, men and women can

Ry Duong: 00:19:22

feel it and it's so unattractive. So you don't want

Ry Duong: 00:19:25

propel people you want to call them in. So be inviting, be

Ry Duong: 00:19:29

engaging, put an upbeat personality and really want you

Ry Duong: 00:19:34

know, get them engaged, asking them question take an interest

Ry Duong: 00:19:38

in their life because people love to talk about themselves.

Ry Duong: 00:19:41

So if you're taking an interest in their life, it shows that,

Ry Duong: 00:19:45

hey, I find you interesting and I want to get to know more about

Ry Duong: 00:19:48

you who wouldn't want that. And if if you're on this date, like

Ry Duong: 00:19:53

I really say women have really good good intuition if you're

Ry Duong: 00:19:57

not feeling it and it something of what he's saying this in sync

Ry Duong: 00:20:02

with you give him a few chance, like give them a few chance to

Ry Duong: 00:20:05

get to know because I find one of the thing is people are so

Ry Duong: 00:20:07

quick to judge. You're like on the first data. Oh, no, he's not

Ry Duong: 00:20:10

good. But unless he's hitting those red flag, I would say

Ry Duong: 00:20:15

Yeah, but you know, go on a second date, see how it is, and

Ry Duong: 00:20:20

then get them people nervous on the first date, they're not

Ry Duong: 00:20:23

gonna be perfect right away. So get to know them a little bit

Ry Duong: 00:20:26

more. And you might just realise, hey, you know what, at

Ry Duong: 00:20:30

first, and that's my story. When I first met my boyfriend, he was

Ry Duong: 00:20:33

like, the good guy, you know, like, I'm used to dating my ex

Ry Duong: 00:20:37

husband, who was like six foot two, and then broad shoulder and

Ry Duong: 00:20:42

muscular. And then I had my boyfriend who was like, too good

Ry Duong: 00:20:45

at two shoe, like too good. And he was shorter. He was like,

Ry Duong: 00:20:49

just a few inches taller than me. And that's okay. He did

Ry Duong: 00:20:54

everything right. He was just so sweet. Such a gentleman, but I

Ry Duong: 00:20:58

was so used to something else and thinking I wasn't deserving

Ry Duong: 00:21:01

of this good thing. So I was going to shoot him off on the

Ry Duong: 00:21:04

first date and not even see him again. And thank God for my

Ry Duong: 00:21:07

sister, because that night she spoke to me, she's like, What is

Ry Duong: 00:21:11

it like, I'm giving you a good guy, a nice guy. And you say,

Ry Duong: 00:21:15

you don't want any more heartbreak, but you keep

Ry Duong: 00:21:17

choosing the wrong dude. Like, how much of these lessons do you

Ry Duong: 00:21:20

need to learn? And I was like, Okay, you made your point, I'll

Ry Duong: 00:21:23

go on a second date with him. And you know what the second

Ry Duong: 00:21:26

date, I got to know him. We're here three years now. And it's

Ry Duong: 00:21:30

been amazing. So honestly give people a chance.

Howard Brown: 00:21:33

I love that you share your own personal

Howard Brown: 00:21:35

experience, I will tell you that for me. I think that changing up

Howard Brown: 00:21:40

the geography a little bit is helpful. Because if you meet

Howard Brown: 00:21:43

out, say at a coffee shop, or you meet at a bar, or you meet

Howard Brown: 00:21:47

at a party, I that's good. But I my wife and I actually did like

Howard Brown: 00:21:51

a nature walk along the beach, and then went for breakfast. And

Howard Brown: 00:21:55

I during that walk, you actually get a lot more dedication a lot

Howard Brown: 00:21:58

more time. And the nature is there that it's beautiful. And

Howard Brown: 00:22:02

then you're able to share and get to know each other. So

Howard Brown: 00:22:05

again, I'm just going off of my long, long term marriage and all

Howard Brown: 00:22:09

that. No,

Ry Duong: 00:22:09

I agree with you. 1%. I agree with you 100%. However,

Ry Duong: 00:22:13

because we did the exact same thing, my first date was so

Ry Duong: 00:22:15

boring, we went for a walk around my block. And because I

Ry Duong: 00:22:18

just moved in, so I had a whole bunch of cardboard box in my

Ry Duong: 00:22:22

backyard, and I needed a guy with a van to load them up and

Ry Duong: 00:22:27

put them in the Eco centre. So I asked him, could you help me?

Ry Duong: 00:22:31

And when it allows you to see people in reality, not like in

Ry Duong: 00:22:36

the Bachelor like when you see everything is perfect, this

Ry Duong: 00:22:38

beautiful restaurant and you're going on these amazing trip in

Ry Duong: 00:22:41

Hawaii. No, I got to see him in the realness a dude who's

Ry Duong: 00:22:45

helping me pack all of my cardboard box shoving into his

Ry Duong: 00:22:50

van and bringing me to a really boring date of the ego centre.

Ry Duong: 00:22:53

And yet we had an amazing time. And that's when I realised I can

Ry Duong: 00:22:57

see myself doing this, like the regular daily live have living

Ry Duong: 00:23:01

together boring stuff, and still have an amazing time. That's the

Ry Duong: 00:23:04

kind of guy I want to be around. Like, it really gives you a good

Ry Duong: 00:23:07

sense of reality. Because you know, when you go on a fantasy,

Ry Duong: 00:23:11

and then reality hits, you're disappointed. Right?

Howard Brown: 00:23:14

I think that's I my second date was I was bowling

Howard Brown: 00:23:17

on behalf of Lisa because she couldn't throw the ball down and

Howard Brown: 00:23:20

for charity. And so I can totally see that. And it's that

Howard Brown: 00:23:25

that that brings that values that you spoke up that the

Howard Brown: 00:23:27

common values. There are people that you just are very different

Howard Brown: 00:23:32

from and that's okay, but you have to have something that

Howard Brown: 00:23:35

Bond's you together. I know that all right. So what you This is

Howard Brown: 00:23:39

really cool, because I'm learning here all the time. What

Howard Brown: 00:23:43

upcoming projects, what's something, I think you have some

Howard Brown: 00:23:45

exciting stuff that's going on, tell us about you.

Ry Duong: 00:23:48

I do and like this is so good, because I'm so so

Ry Duong: 00:23:51

passionate about this one because it's free. It's a summit

Ry Duong: 00:23:54

that I'm having at the end of the three day from October 25 to

Ry Duong: 00:23:58

the 27th called from heartbreak to happily ever after on finding

Ry Duong: 00:24:03

true love and also building a happy step family. So for all of

Ry Duong: 00:24:08

you guys who's gone through a heartbreak and want to know how

Ry Duong: 00:24:11

to get over a heartbreak and learn those who are about to go

Ry Duong: 00:24:15

on dates, what to do what to avoid, we have so many renowned

Ry Duong: 00:24:19

authors and speaker with a lot of expertise. I'll be speaking

Ry Duong: 00:24:22

on that. He gets so much knowledge and information that

Ry Duong: 00:24:28

is going to really change your life. And then those who are

Ry Duong: 00:24:30

actually in like a lot of couples are now in blended

Ry Duong: 00:24:34

family, you're going to be in step family and you want to be

Ry Duong: 00:24:36

successful in maintaining a second chance at love and how to

Ry Duong: 00:24:40

have happy children in it. Like definitely check it out. We'll

Ry Duong: 00:24:43

share that a little bit later. But yes, that's called from

Ry Duong: 00:24:47

heartbreak to happily ever after.

Howard Brown: 00:24:49

Yeah, we're gonna when we teach the show, I'm

Howard Brown: 00:24:50

going to put the links for people to sign up. It's going to

Howard Brown: 00:24:53

be amazing, but also I know you're working on a book. Can

Howard Brown: 00:24:55

you

Ry Duong: 00:24:57

working on my book? Yes, I will. So My book is about

Ry Duong: 00:25:01

all through my journey of what I've learned through the

Ry Duong: 00:25:03

heartbreak and everything related to love, but especially

Ry Duong: 00:25:06

with regards to self love, unconditional self love for

Ry Duong: 00:25:09

oneself. And then once you have that, it's so much easier to

Ry Duong: 00:25:13

give it to your partner because you have nothing but love for

Ry Duong: 00:25:15

yourself. And it's an ongoing process. And so my book is

Ry Duong: 00:25:19

called CES. Again, this is my sister talking to me CES, you've

Ry Duong: 00:25:23

got this awaken the badass from within.

Howard Brown: 00:25:26

Oh, that's cool title. And you'll and you'll

Howard Brown: 00:25:29

have the hummingbird right? Yes, yeah, that's gonna be great. I

Howard Brown: 00:25:33

can't wait keep keep working on that. I have to tell you

Howard Brown: 00:25:36

publishing a book. It's a lot of dedication. But it's so worth it

Howard Brown: 00:25:40

when you actually get to share yourself and your experience

Howard Brown: 00:25:43

with others and inspire them. So I wish you well, I hope that

Howard Brown: 00:25:47

comes out soon, I want to I want to get a copy and share with

Howard Brown: 00:25:50

everyone as well. Alright, so what we're going to do now is

Howard Brown: 00:25:54

I'm going to put my sunglasses on, okay, this is called the

Howard Brown: 00:25:56

shining brightly spotlight on you, I want you to tell the

Howard Brown: 00:26:01

listeners in the audience out there, how they can get in touch

Howard Brown: 00:26:04

with you. And then I want you to leave the audience with some

Howard Brown: 00:26:08

inspiration, after you tell how to get in touch with you.

Ry Duong: 00:26:12

Absolutely. So Howard, they can actually reach me and

Ry Duong: 00:26:14

you can go I'm actually because we're on the show of shining

Ry Duong: 00:26:20

brightly with my handsome Howard Brown. People can actually reach

Ry Duong: 00:26:25

me, I offer a 30 minute love assessment, if you're like, I'm

Ry Duong: 00:26:29

not quite sure. And I want clarity with regards to this. I

Ry Duong: 00:26:32

do this for it. So it's go on h kalindi.com. So HTTP s to call

Ry Duong: 00:26:39

it two dots, and then the slash to slash kalindi.com/leader for

Ry Duong: 00:26:46

true love. And so you can book a 30 minutes, and I will

Ry Duong: 00:26:49

definitely reach me there. Or you can actually find me on

Ry Duong: 00:26:53

Facebook Ry Duong so and you'll be able to find me there.

Ry Duong: 00:26:57

There's no problem. And I want to be able to leave people with

Ry Duong: 00:27:01

this. When you go into loving a lot of time we have scars and

Ry Duong: 00:27:05

baggage is and then we want to be able to protect yourself. Try

Ry Duong: 00:27:10

not to do that when you're going to love. Take it one day at a

Ry Duong: 00:27:14

time and with a person that you're loving on them love them

Ry Duong: 00:27:17

to the fullest of what you can. Because if they're meant to be

Ry Duong: 00:27:21

there for two years, three years, 10 years, 20 years, you

Ry Duong: 00:27:24

want to maximise it so live in the present moment of love

Ry Duong: 00:27:28

fully.

Howard Brown: 00:27:29

Love fully and I'll make a heart right now. I

Howard Brown: 00:27:32

don't make it that well. Oh my god. So alright, just to repeat.

Howard Brown: 00:27:36

So you can make an appointment for an love assessment which is

Howard Brown: 00:27:40

amazing@calendly.com leader for true love. And then also your

Howard Brown: 00:27:45

website is leader for true love to find more information there

Howard Brown: 00:27:48

about you. So I hope people will reach out to you as well. This

Howard Brown: 00:27:52

has been really amazing. We need to talk about this people

Howard Brown: 00:27:56

relationships, we are a people that need to actually feel and

Howard Brown: 00:28:01

love. And and we didn't get to do that as much during the

Howard Brown: 00:28:04

pandemic. So one of my last chapters in the book is sharing

Howard Brown: 00:28:10

hope. And you can share a hug, you can share love, but hopeful,

Howard Brown: 00:28:14

romantic, hopeful for love. This is what you're teaching. And

Howard Brown: 00:28:18

that's that's why I had you on the show today. It's such a

Howard Brown: 00:28:20

great message and thank you. So Howard Brown, of course. Shining

Howard Brown: 00:28:25

brightly.com is where you find me and you can find the book and

Howard Brown: 00:28:28

you can find the speaking. And you can also find my this

Howard Brown: 00:28:32

inspirational podcast and my advocacy for entrepreneurship,

Howard Brown: 00:28:35

leadership, mentorship and interfaith. So come in Iraq with

Howard Brown: 00:28:38

us. And again, this has been an amazing show. And what is true

Howard Brown: 00:28:44

love I think we learned a little bit today. So thank you, Reid.

Howard Brown: 00:28:47

Thank you very much

Ry Duong: 00:28:48

so much, Howard for having me. Definitely tune into

Ry Duong: 00:28:51

Howard. He's a an amazing guy. I'm just so grateful to to met

Ry Duong: 00:28:56

him to cross his path because you shine that love and you

Ry Duong: 00:28:59

really give it to people with nothing holding us back. That's

Ry Duong: 00:29:03

why we you and I both connected. So thank you such an honour to

Ry Duong: 00:29:06

be here.

Howard Brown: 00:29:07

Absolutely. And go celebrate the Cambodian

Howard Brown: 00:29:10

Halloween and we'd meet up with your family and I love the

Howard Brown: 00:29:14

hummingbird. It's such a beautiful thing in memory of

Howard Brown: 00:29:17

your sister. So thank you for tuning into the shining brightly

Howard Brown: 00:29:20

show. Until next time, keep shining brightly. It makes the

Howard Brown: 00:29:24

world a better place for yourself, for others and for our

Howard Brown: 00:29:28

communities. keep shining. Thank you