THE DARKNESS OF CHILD ABUSE TO EMOTIONAL FREEDOM With Regina LaFrance

Howard Brown: 00:00:04

Hello, it's Howard Brown. It's the Shining Brightly

Howard Brown: 00:00:07

Show. I am so glad you are with us today I we're going to cover

Howard Brown: 00:00:13

a pretty intense topic today. And you know that if you've been

Howard Brown: 00:00:18

listening to me or know anything about me that my book shining

Howard Brown: 00:00:22

brightly talks deeply about walking in darkness, and then

Howard Brown: 00:00:27

finding a light to be able to lift up yourself then lift up

Howard Brown: 00:00:31

others. Well, I have a such an amazing and important guests

Howard Brown: 00:00:37

with me. I want to introduce you to Regina France. Regina, how

Howard Brown: 00:00:41

are you? And thank you for coming on my show. I am well and

Howard Brown: 00:00:45

thank you for having me. I appreciate being here today.

Howard Brown: 00:00:47

Excellent. Well, I'm excited because I just watched your

Howard Brown: 00:00:51

trailer you have a book that just came out in early February.

Howard Brown: 00:00:54

So one of your early podcasts to help promote you and the story.

Howard Brown: 00:00:59

Let me just read a quick bio about yourself. Author Regina

Howard Brown: 00:01:03

France has come a long way since leaving her native small

Howard Brown: 00:01:07

village, a place she called home until tragedy struck. Drawing

Howard Brown: 00:01:12

from her direct direct experience. Her semi

Howard Brown: 00:01:15

autobiographical novel Shayla is a depiction of the events that

Howard Brown: 00:01:20

happen when she was violently raped as a young girl by a

Howard Brown: 00:01:24

paedophile priest in her community. Her tell all book

Howard Brown: 00:01:29

further speaks to the deep seated wounds and the trauma

Howard Brown: 00:01:32

that have followed her into her adult life and striving to

Howard Brown: 00:01:36

reinvent herself and some find some healing. Shayla is the

Howard Brown: 00:01:41

Frances sharing and the ultimate hope for others who have been

Howard Brown: 00:01:44

molested and suffered from abuse. Passionate in the resolve

Howard Brown: 00:01:49

of this issue, the Francis made her ongoing effort to prevent

Howard Brown: 00:01:52

the unthinkable from happening to more innocent children. She

Howard Brown: 00:01:56

resides in North Carolina with her husband, Dan, retired fire

Howard Brown: 00:02:00

Lieutenant. And both are transplants from Boston. And so

Howard Brown: 00:02:03

my. So we have that in common. And I just want to welcome you

Howard Brown: 00:02:07

to the show. And because we talked in the greenroom, I'd

Howard Brown: 00:02:11

love for you to share. We're going to shine just a little bit

Howard Brown: 00:02:14

of brightly right now. Tell me about as a young girl, your dad

Howard Brown: 00:02:20

called you the lady bug. And then you lost the ladybug. And

Howard Brown: 00:02:24

then you got to back talk talk talk tell my audience about

Howard Brown: 00:02:27

that.

Regina LaFrance: 00:02:28

As far as I can remember from being around six

Regina LaFrance: 00:02:31

years old to about nine. I always like being outside. And

Regina LaFrance: 00:02:36

my father was a farmer. So my sister was more like, stay home

Regina LaFrance: 00:02:41

with mom stay inside do house chores with Mom and I was always

Regina LaFrance: 00:02:45

outside. I was very, very small. And in the summertime, I was

Regina LaFrance: 00:02:50

very dark and I had long, dark hair. So my father called me

Regina LaFrance: 00:02:54

Ladybug, and my father, my mom used to tell me that I was the

Regina LaFrance: 00:02:59

cutest Ladybug she had ever seen. So being a ladybug was

Regina LaFrance: 00:03:03

very, very special. I would go looking for them and try to have

Regina LaFrance: 00:03:08

them as my little baby ladybugs and, and one everytime I found

Regina LaFrance: 00:03:13

one I'll bring to my dad. And he would say that. Now be careful,

Regina LaFrance: 00:03:17

don't don't be hurt and led by because it was so small and

Regina LaFrance: 00:03:21

fragile like I was. When I was nine years old, I began to be

Regina LaFrance: 00:03:26

molested by someone that was a person of power in the village.

Regina LaFrance: 00:03:33

My parents wanted me to learn music to play an instrument and

Regina LaFrance: 00:03:38

the person who was the local priest of the village began to

Regina LaFrance: 00:03:42

molest me when I was nine. And then about a year later, he

Regina LaFrance: 00:03:46

violated me brutally sexually and physically, practically

Regina LaFrance: 00:03:51

leaving me to die. So I did survive, and through my teenage

Regina LaFrance: 00:03:58

years might want ease and my 30s and 40s. I felt like I was a

Regina LaFrance: 00:04:04

cockroach. Because the priests told me that I was no Ladybug. I

Regina LaFrance: 00:04:08

was a cockroach and that my parents would never believe me.

Regina LaFrance: 00:04:11

Again, because I was dark and had the dark here he said that I

Regina LaFrance: 00:04:16

was not pretty and that I was dumb and and stupid. And he

Regina LaFrance: 00:04:22

called me all these names. So I would believe that no one would

Regina LaFrance: 00:04:27

ever love me or care for me other than the attention that he

Regina LaFrance: 00:04:30

would give me. So all those years, including my teenage

Regina LaFrance: 00:04:34

years, my early 20s I looked for love from anyone that would talk

Regina LaFrance: 00:04:41

to me or give me attention. I was always looking for someone

Regina LaFrance: 00:04:45

to care for me or love me. And I was always going above and

Regina LaFrance: 00:04:51

beyond to do things for other people so they would they would

Regina LaFrance: 00:04:55

love me. And it wasn't until I had an experience in 2003

Regina LaFrance: 00:04:59

15 I had a vivid memory of me telling my Mother, please don't

Regina LaFrance: 00:05:06

make me go. Because one of my clients came in and told me that

Regina LaFrance: 00:05:10

she was very stressed out because a little girl that

Regina LaFrance: 00:05:13

didn't want to go to summer camp that year. And the little girl

Regina LaFrance: 00:05:17

cried, and said, Mommy, Mommy, please don't make me go, I don't

Regina LaFrance: 00:05:21

want to go anymore. And at that moment, I had to terminate the

Regina LaFrance: 00:05:26

session, my heart was pounding, my palms were sweaty, and I had

Regina LaFrance: 00:05:31

to leave. Because I remembered asking my mother to not let me

Regina LaFrance: 00:05:37

go. And that's when everything changed. I began to write about

Regina LaFrance: 00:05:42

my experience and my abuse. So my intent was to create

Regina LaFrance: 00:05:48

awareness, people raising children to look out for those

Regina LaFrance: 00:05:51

signs. And when I did that, I discovered that I began my own

Regina LaFrance: 00:05:59

healing. And when I wrote about being a ladybug, I went to the

Regina LaFrance: 00:06:04

mirror. And I told myself, that it wasn't my fault. And the

Regina LaFrance: 00:06:11

little girl inside of me was still hurting. So I began

Regina LaFrance: 00:06:16

learning how to nurture my little girl inside my inner

Regina LaFrance: 00:06:20

child. And when I did that, I discovered that it wasn't my

Regina LaFrance: 00:06:26

fault. I had to tell myself and learn a new lifestyle. And when

Regina LaFrance: 00:06:33

I did that, I began to discover how wonderful it was to be a

Regina LaFrance: 00:06:38

ladybug and the love that I felt when my dad and my dad fell for

Regina LaFrance: 00:06:44

me, and everything around me changed. All the people that I

Regina LaFrance: 00:06:49

love, and all the people around me, just begin to notice the

Regina LaFrance: 00:06:54

change in me and how happy I become in how wonderful my life

Regina LaFrance: 00:07:01

started to be. And now, I can take any situation at all, it

Regina LaFrance: 00:07:07

makes it shine like a diamond. I am a happy person, and I want to

Regina LaFrance: 00:07:12

go into the world and tell everyone that is still hard, and

Regina LaFrance: 00:07:18

that they also can shine. And they can become who they were

Regina LaFrance: 00:07:22

originally intended to be like, for me, I want to be that

Regina LaFrance: 00:07:27

Ladybug, and I want to make it be known that it wasn't my

Regina LaFrance: 00:07:32

fault.

Howard Brown: 00:07:33

Thank you for sharing that. So for those that

Howard Brown: 00:07:36

are listening, you're wearing a red shirt, you actually have a

Howard Brown: 00:07:39

little bit of red on your necklace. And you are a shining

Howard Brown: 00:07:42

Ladybug, and thank you for for sharing that. The metaphor that

Howard Brown: 00:07:46

many people use is that they they go into a caterpillar,

Howard Brown: 00:07:51

Caterpillar is not always attractive. They're fuzzy and

Howard Brown: 00:07:53

creepy crawlers, but eventually, that caterpillar can be a

Howard Brown: 00:07:58

beautiful butterfly, and you have gone. And you are that

Howard Brown: 00:08:01

beautiful lady bugs. So I just want to tell you that and but I

Howard Brown: 00:08:05

want to take you back right now, and just share briefly, but

Howard Brown: 00:08:10

because I watched the trailer, and I'm going to actually allow,

Howard Brown: 00:08:13

you know, in the show notes and on the social media posts of

Howard Brown: 00:08:16

people to click on the trailer, it's about a seven minute kind

Howard Brown: 00:08:18

of short movie about the book and about your experience. It's

Howard Brown: 00:08:22

very powerful. It's very deep. You know, you were a little

Howard Brown: 00:08:27

girl, you were a little girl. And people looked up to the

Howard Brown: 00:08:33

priest in the village. He not only was the religious leader,

Howard Brown: 00:08:36

he was the music instructor, he had great respect. And so take

Howard Brown: 00:08:44

us through a little bit, just give us a you know, a tease from

Howard Brown: 00:08:48

the book and from that about, about what you remember and what

Howard Brown: 00:08:51

you want to share.

Regina LaFrance: 00:08:54

That priest was actually the priest of the

Regina LaFrance: 00:08:57

people. He was very good to the people. He was a good speaker.

Regina LaFrance: 00:09:01

He was a professor, he was an author. And he was the priest

Regina LaFrance: 00:09:05

that will do anything for anyone in the village. He did have a

Regina LaFrance: 00:09:11

reputation of wanting to be with women. And he did have a

Regina LaFrance: 00:09:17

reputation of having had a woman a young lady, as his mistress

Regina LaFrance: 00:09:23

before he he attacked me that young lady was able to get away.

Regina LaFrance: 00:09:29

And then he began to molest me. obody in the village would say

Regina LaFrance: 00:09:35

anything. Everyone, I don't want to say worshipped him, but

Regina LaFrance: 00:09:41

everyone liked him a lot. And people just look the other way.

Regina LaFrance: 00:09:46

And I know while I believe then that if I said anything to my

Regina LaFrance: 00:09:51

parents, my parents being old fashioned and being proud to be

Regina LaFrance: 00:09:57

followers of him would probably say Don't be telling anybody

Regina LaFrance: 00:10:02

that

Howard Brown: 00:10:05

you're a 10 year old girl, as this is

Howard Brown: 00:10:08

unthinkable, you can't share it with anybody. And you're telling

Howard Brown: 00:10:13

your mom, you don't want to go to music lessons, you don't want

Howard Brown: 00:10:17

to actually, you know, be in here and learn from him. And he

Howard Brown: 00:10:23

impregnated you as a 10 year old little girl. Yes. I am revolted.

Howard Brown: 00:10:31

I am about to go into tears. I, you're a little 10 year old

Howard Brown: 00:10:37

girl. And when I saw on the video and read excerpts of the

Howard Brown: 00:10:41

book, you took this in just an abominable way as the 10 year

Howard Brown: 00:10:47

old aborted and he made you actually bury the foetus. Yes.

Howard Brown: 00:10:51

And told you you were a cockroach. Yes.

Regina LaFrance: 00:10:55

And the night that we were at the cemetery,

Regina LaFrance: 00:10:59

he, his mother and the neighbour had performed an abortion on me

Regina LaFrance: 00:11:03

on the kitchen table. And I had a lot of pain that day. So she

Regina LaFrance: 00:11:09

gave me a box and told me to go with him. And we went to the

Regina LaFrance: 00:11:13

cemetery and, and I remember being in so much pain, he made

Regina LaFrance: 00:11:18

me dig a hole with the box in the hole and then abort into the

Regina LaFrance: 00:11:23

box. And then he told me to cover the hole with the dirt.

Regina LaFrance: 00:11:28

And at that moment, I told him, I was crying a lot. And I told

Regina LaFrance: 00:11:32

him, I hated him so much. And he came over and he slapped me. And

Regina LaFrance: 00:11:37

I fell on the edge of the shovel. And I cut my face right

Regina LaFrance: 00:11:40

here. I have a big scar right here that from that fall. And

Regina LaFrance: 00:11:45

for all those years, not only I thought I was a cockroach, I

Regina LaFrance: 00:11:50

compared myself to one I hated my face. Because that scar was a

Regina LaFrance: 00:11:54

constant reminder of what had happened there that night. It

Regina LaFrance: 00:11:58

was a nightmare. I was so sad. And I cried a lot, then his

Regina LaFrance: 00:12:05

mother cared for me. And she promised me that that would

Regina LaFrance: 00:12:08

never happen again. And I always felt that she meant it, it would

Regina LaFrance: 00:12:14

never happen again. But she just like any other family at that

Regina LaFrance: 00:12:20

time that she wanted to protect her family, not to shame her son

Regina LaFrance: 00:12:24

and not to shame herself possibly. And I really believe

Regina LaFrance: 00:12:28

that. If my parents had found out, they would also say Don't

Regina LaFrance: 00:12:33

tell anybody, and then we'll just cover up. So the family

Regina LaFrance: 00:12:37

wouldn't be shamed. Because back then that's I was no one was

Regina LaFrance: 00:12:41

allowed to talk about anything of that nature.

Howard Brown: 00:12:45

And as you went into your teenage years, you

Howard Brown: 00:12:48

carry this in silence.

Regina LaFrance: 00:12:51

I carry it in silence. And to make matters

Regina LaFrance: 00:12:53

worse, my last two or three years of high school, he was

Regina LaFrance: 00:12:56

actually a teacher at the high school. And he was the history

Regina LaFrance: 00:13:00

in a Portuguese teacher. And I never talked to him again. And I

Regina LaFrance: 00:13:05

never did any work for his class. And he always passed me.

Regina LaFrance: 00:13:11

I always he always gave me passing rates. But I never

Regina LaFrance: 00:13:15

talked to him again since since that time. But even during my

Regina LaFrance: 00:13:20

1112 years old, my parents still made me go to church. It wasn't

Regina LaFrance: 00:13:25

until a little later. Maybe possibly when I was 1314. I

Regina LaFrance: 00:13:30

refused to go to church. And that's when my father and I had

Regina LaFrance: 00:13:34

a falling out. My father was so disappointed with me as a

Regina LaFrance: 00:13:37

teenager, that he could never speak with me again, or direct

Regina LaFrance: 00:13:43

his war to me. I lived in the same house. But we never talked.

Regina LaFrance: 00:13:48

And when I was 18, I had the opportunity of coming to the

Regina LaFrance: 00:13:51

United States. So I left I never looked back. Good. Did your mom

Regina LaFrance: 00:13:57

and dad or even your sister they didn't know. Nobody knew. Nobody

Regina LaFrance: 00:14:01

knew even now. Even now I'm 60 years old. My sister is 63 years

Regina LaFrance: 00:14:07

old when she found out about this. And when she found out

Regina LaFrance: 00:14:11

that I was going to write my book and publish my book, she

Regina LaFrance: 00:14:14

asked me why now. Why are you having your Why are you putting

Regina LaFrance: 00:14:18

yourself through this exposure to the world? And I explained to

Regina LaFrance: 00:14:22

her why because I want to create awareness. So other children

Regina LaFrance: 00:14:28

possibly don't go through something like that. And she

Regina LaFrance: 00:14:32

understood. She understood she she asked me a lot of questions

Regina LaFrance: 00:14:37

and she understood and she supports me now. My main concern

Regina LaFrance: 00:14:42

is that little girls and little boys as well go through

Regina LaFrance: 00:14:46

something like this because the mean vicious, creepy people out

Regina LaFrance: 00:14:51

there are always going to be coming around looking for an

Regina LaFrance: 00:14:54

innocent child so they can get their way with them. And the

Regina LaFrance: 00:14:59

parents can never believed that another human being would hurt

Regina LaFrance: 00:15:02

their children that way. But they do.

Howard Brown: 00:15:07

So, tell me about putting your memories and your

Howard Brown: 00:15:12

thoughts in writing this book. You told me that you regained

Howard Brown: 00:15:17

your ladybug, it was healing for you. How long did it take? And I

Howard Brown: 00:15:24

mean, I know it just published out, you know, it's available on

Howard Brown: 00:15:27

Amazon in February. What was it like writing and coming forth

Howard Brown: 00:15:32

with with all these feelings that have been deeply buried for

Regina LaFrance: 00:15:37

in 2015, when I had my flashback, I wrote about

Regina LaFrance: 00:15:37

two years,

Regina LaFrance: 00:15:41

eight to 10,000 words. But at the time, I didn't know how to

Regina LaFrance: 00:15:45

write a book, I didn't think I could put it together. So I put

Regina LaFrance: 00:15:48

it away. I put it away. And I never, I never looked back, I

Regina LaFrance: 00:15:54

was too shameful still, to talk about it, I didn't want people

Regina LaFrance: 00:15:58

to look at me as that cockroach, a person that was less than I

Regina LaFrance: 00:16:05

wanted to shine. So I just had this, this image of myself on

Regina LaFrance: 00:16:10

the outside that I was wonderful. But on the inside, I

Regina LaFrance: 00:16:14

felt always sad, and depressed, and no self esteem on the

Regina LaFrance: 00:16:19

inside. So in 2000, I believe in 2019, I was talking to a person

Regina LaFrance: 00:16:28

and that woman told me that she was a book editor. And jokingly

Regina LaFrance: 00:16:32

I said to her, Oh, maybe you can edit my book someday? And she

Regina LaFrance: 00:16:36

said, What did you write about? And I did tell her and she said,

Regina LaFrance: 00:16:40

I'm gonna come over, if it's okay. And I'd like to read what

Regina LaFrance: 00:16:43

you wrote that day. She told me that I'd have to sit down and

Regina LaFrance: 00:16:48

start writing. She said, You need to tell the world, what

Regina LaFrance: 00:16:52

happened to you. And when I began to write, I began to feel

Regina LaFrance: 00:16:57

free, I began to feel alive, I began to feel that burden of

Regina LaFrance: 00:17:04

keeping that secret and being a victim started to enlighten me.

Regina LaFrance: 00:17:10

So when I was done, and I went back home, in my, in my mind, I

Regina LaFrance: 00:17:18

went back home to the place where I was hurt, and shameful.

Regina LaFrance: 00:17:23

And I retired my victim badge. I told the priest, that he no

Regina LaFrance: 00:17:30

longer rents any space in my heart, in my mind, in my soul.

Regina LaFrance: 00:17:35

And I said, You go now, and I'm relieving you are releasing you,

Regina LaFrance: 00:17:39

for me not for you, you have to go find your peace anywhere you

Regina LaFrance: 00:17:43

want. But for me, I am now free. And I discovered the self love

Regina LaFrance: 00:17:50

and shine like a diamond feeling. And then my mission

Regina LaFrance: 00:17:56

became from wanting to create awareness for to keep children

Regina LaFrance: 00:18:01

safe, but also to spread the light to spread the happiness

Regina LaFrance: 00:18:06

for people that may still be hardened inside.

Howard Brown: 00:18:09

Well, we definitely have that we're

Howard Brown: 00:18:11

aligned and we want to illuminate and shine shine that

Howard Brown: 00:18:14

as well. You mentioned when I asked you about the ladybug in

Howard Brown: 00:18:17

the cockroach, that in 2015, there was a young girl that did

Howard Brown: 00:18:22

not want to go to summer camp. And that triggered that little

Howard Brown: 00:18:27

girl in you that she was probably being abused by someone

Howard Brown: 00:18:31

at camp a camp counsellor, or somebody right? And she did not

Howard Brown: 00:18:34

want to go. I would say that you are really now trying to what

Howard Brown: 00:18:40

signs should families look for, to protect their children from

Howard Brown: 00:18:45

from this abuse? Because I have done very little research. But I

Howard Brown: 00:18:49

heard that abuse usually happens from someone close could be an

Howard Brown: 00:18:54

uncle, it could be a family member, a brother, it could be

Howard Brown: 00:18:57

somebody could be it doesn't have to be just a male could be

Howard Brown: 00:19:00

a woman to what what do they need to look for.

Regina LaFrance: 00:19:04

So for a young child, boy or girl, if they say

Regina LaFrance: 00:19:08

they don't want to go somewhere and if they cry, and they want

Regina LaFrance: 00:19:12

to hang on to mum or dad's leg. Be very aware, because children

Regina LaFrance: 00:19:18

love to go places. And children love to play in and be involved

Regina LaFrance: 00:19:23

in activities. If they don't want to go, that's number one.

Regina LaFrance: 00:19:28

If they shy away from someone, that's another sign. Children

Regina LaFrance: 00:19:34

don't know how to speak verbally, especially if the

Regina LaFrance: 00:19:38

abuser is telling them if they if you tell anybody, I'm going

Regina LaFrance: 00:19:41

to hurt you. This is our special secret. I'm going to hurt you

Regina LaFrance: 00:19:45

more. I'm going to hurt your mom or your sister or your brother.

Regina LaFrance: 00:19:48

So the first one would be if that child is clinging to mom

Regina LaFrance: 00:19:53

and dad and just does not want to go and if you ask what's

Regina LaFrance: 00:19:59

happening, sweetie. And that child doesn't say anything.

Regina LaFrance: 00:20:04

That's it, something is happening. Now a young teenager,

Regina LaFrance: 00:20:10

well, 13, if they went from having good grades and being a

Regina LaFrance: 00:20:14

happy child, and now something is happening, they are going

Regina LaFrance: 00:20:19

through something, whether it's bullying at school, or they have

Regina LaFrance: 00:20:23

an eating disorder, or they may be doing experimenting with

Regina LaFrance: 00:20:28

drugs or something like that, you need to pay attention. And

Regina LaFrance: 00:20:33

you need to take time off your busy schedule, and spend time

Regina LaFrance: 00:20:37

with that young boy or young girl to find out what they're

Regina LaFrance: 00:20:41

doing. If there's stress going on in the home, and the 12 1314

Regina LaFrance: 00:20:47

year old, is not getting what they need from mom and dad. They

Regina LaFrance: 00:20:52

are suffering, and they're looking for attention someplace

Regina LaFrance: 00:20:55

else. So we need to be very aware, take the focus off

Regina LaFrance: 00:21:00

ourselves. Because a mum and dad might be even considering

Regina LaFrance: 00:21:04

divorce, they may be in a very stressful job situation, they

Regina LaFrance: 00:21:09

may be having financial difficulties, it could be a

Regina LaFrance: 00:21:13

number of things, that young men and young lady they're going to

Regina LaFrance: 00:21:17

suffer as a result of what mum and dad are going through. So be

Regina LaFrance: 00:21:23

very aware, because that's a very critical age 12 1314 For

Regina LaFrance: 00:21:28

young girl or young boy, to just go down the wrong path. And, and

Regina LaFrance: 00:21:32

once they hit that bottom, and they suffer some trauma, when

Regina LaFrance: 00:21:38

they are 1819 20, they're gonna carry that on. So those are the

Regina LaFrance: 00:21:45

things that I would say, if you are in charge of raising a

Regina LaFrance: 00:21:50

child, it could be a teacher, it could be a daycare provider, it

Regina LaFrance: 00:21:53

could be grandparents, it could be foster parents. It could be

Regina LaFrance: 00:21:58

anyone if a child is around and that child is so unsigned,

Regina LaFrance: 00:22:02

showing signs of distress, that's when you have to say some

Regina LaFrance: 00:22:06

things out. If you're a teacher, and the child is falling asleep

Regina LaFrance: 00:22:12

in the classroom, there's something there's something

Regina LaFrance: 00:22:16

going on, on that child's life. And those are the things that I

Regina LaFrance: 00:22:20

want to create awareness.

Howard Brown: 00:22:22

Thank you for sharing that. What are you doing

Howard Brown: 00:22:26

now in your daily routine that's helping your healing.

Regina LaFrance: 00:22:30

So, right now I am doing gardening, I am doing

Regina LaFrance: 00:22:36

wonderful, beautiful recipes.

Regina LaFrance: 00:22:41

I am speaking with people that I would never speak with before.

Regina LaFrance: 00:22:50

Everywhere I go, I shine, someone will look up at me and

Regina LaFrance: 00:22:56

I'll smile said hi. And people immediately just say hi back,

Regina LaFrance: 00:23:02

people give me a lot of compliments. Now, because of the

Regina LaFrance: 00:23:05

way that I just walk around, I have people come across the

Regina LaFrance: 00:23:08

store, just to tell me that they like my hair, or, or or

Regina LaFrance: 00:23:12

something like that. And I immediately make a connection.

Regina LaFrance: 00:23:17

So what I do now, I do a lot of listening. And a lot of

Regina LaFrance: 00:23:23

observing. We have two of these into these. We have one of

Regina LaFrance: 00:23:28

these. And that's what I do. Now I smile a lot. But I talk a lot

Regina LaFrance: 00:23:35

less now. I like to listen, I like to know what's going on.

Regina LaFrance: 00:23:38

I'm very observant of what's going on around me. And I as I

Regina LaFrance: 00:23:43

meet people, I can tell almost always the ones that have

Regina LaFrance: 00:23:49

something and they want to talk. They want to talk. Most of them

Regina LaFrance: 00:23:56

they will want to talk to me along and they want to tell me

Regina LaFrance: 00:23:59

their secret. But I will tell you this that when I mentioned

Regina LaFrance: 00:24:03

the healing, you lit off glow, your smile your shine. And so in

Regina LaFrance: 00:24:10

my book in shining brightly I wrote what you just told me

Regina LaFrance: 00:24:14

about your healing process. I call it we call it all something

Regina LaFrance: 00:24:17

different. I call it finding your happy place. Yes,

Howard Brown: 00:24:20

finding your happy place that your stress free zone

Howard Brown: 00:24:23

that brings you joy in your life. Yes, mine's the basketball

Howard Brown: 00:24:27

court. But I also love hiking and biking and I love nature.

Howard Brown: 00:24:31

Some people like as you said, cooking, art, yoga, meditation.

Howard Brown: 00:24:35

I always say find your happy place and go there. And also

Howard Brown: 00:24:39

what I take back from that as your awareness now is so fine

Howard Brown: 00:24:43

tuned. Yes, it's really really fine tuned. Would you like to I

Howard Brown: 00:24:48

mean, you speak in the book about Emotional Freedom. share

Howard Brown: 00:24:53

it share more about how you're gaining emotional freedom now

Howard Brown: 00:24:57

that you've come and shared, shared Shayla Who is you? And

Howard Brown: 00:25:01

you are Shayla

Regina LaFrance: 00:25:02

Yes.

Howard Brown: 00:25:03

What would you share about how to achieve some

Howard Brown: 00:25:05

emotional freedom.

Regina LaFrance: 00:25:06

So some people might say to me, Well, it's good

Regina LaFrance: 00:25:11

for your Regina that they were able to find your way. But I'm

Regina LaFrance: 00:25:17

still living with my abuser, or my parents are my abuse abusers.

Regina LaFrance: 00:25:23

Or somebody might say you have the ladybug years with your

Regina LaFrance: 00:25:29

father. All I remember was my parents being alcoholics and

Regina LaFrance: 00:25:35

being abusive. So I am very blessed that I can go back and

Regina LaFrance: 00:25:41

remember my Ladybug years, what I say to these people, is look

Regina LaFrance: 00:25:47

in the mirror and find something that you love, you love to do.

Regina LaFrance: 00:25:53

And when you can get out, either get away from your abuser or

Regina LaFrance: 00:25:59

find a little bit of time, go and go do that for yourself.

Regina LaFrance: 00:26:05

Whether it's hiking, or gardening, or go, I don't know,

Regina LaFrance: 00:26:11

go go to the theatre, or go draw somewhere, find that time to be

Regina LaFrance: 00:26:17

alone, and write down the things that you love. And then one at a

Regina LaFrance: 00:26:24

time, baby steps, go to you to pull up the IAM affirmations and

Regina LaFrance: 00:26:30

start telling yourself I am I worthy, I am wonderful. I am

Regina LaFrance: 00:26:36

enough. When I listened to those for the first time, when the

Regina LaFrance: 00:26:42

YouTube video voice said I am enough, I broke down. And now I

Regina LaFrance: 00:26:48

want to tell everybody, you are enough. You too can shine.

Regina LaFrance: 00:26:54

Because we have to go love who we are inside. And when we love

Regina LaFrance: 00:27:00

who we are, what I did was I created an imaginary bubble

Regina LaFrance: 00:27:06

around me. And anybody is allowed in my bubble. But they

Regina LaFrance: 00:27:11

have to bring smiles, love sunshine, and just pure pure

Regina LaFrance: 00:27:17

love. You can be negative, you can complain, you can say

Regina LaFrance: 00:27:23

whatever you want. I'm not gonna say anything, I am not going to

Regina LaFrance: 00:27:29

engage, and you're not coming in my bubble.

Howard Brown: 00:27:35

I want to add to that I talked in my book about

Howard Brown: 00:27:38

isolation. And I understand that I call that walking in darkness

Howard Brown: 00:27:42

to learn from the darkness. But I don't want people to stay in

Howard Brown: 00:27:46

that if you stayed in that isolation. So long, Regina, it

Howard Brown: 00:27:49

was just for years and years and years decades who stayed in that

Howard Brown: 00:27:53

darkness. So I don't want people to stay there too long. The

Howard Brown: 00:27:56

other thing that I advise in my survivorship coaching is to be

Howard Brown: 00:28:00

selfish in your time of need. And the other thing is to seek

Howard Brown: 00:28:04

help, but also to take the spotlight off yourself. I found

Howard Brown: 00:28:07

by me when I was able to help others. I wasn't always thinking

Howard Brown: 00:28:11

about cancer and thinking about my mortality or thinking about

Howard Brown: 00:28:15

I'm not going to be able to walk my daughter down the aisle. But

Howard Brown: 00:28:19

when you lift up yourself and get yourself in a place where

Howard Brown: 00:28:22

you can lift up others that makes the world a better place.

Howard Brown: 00:28:26

And that that's one of my mantras and all that certainly

Howard Brown: 00:28:29

agree. So I want I'm going to I'm going to actually put the

Howard Brown: 00:28:33

sunglasses on here we're going to enter in part of the show

Howard Brown: 00:28:36

here called the shine. Oh look at those fancy. For those that

Howard Brown: 00:28:40

are listening. Regina is wearing some really cool sunglasses and

Howard Brown: 00:28:44

I've got my shiny metallic white glasses on as well. This is the

Howard Brown: 00:28:47

shining brightly spotlight. Regina tell people the best way

Howard Brown: 00:28:51

to get a hold of you. And then share a little bit of

Howard Brown: 00:28:54

inspiration with me and kick it back over to me to close out the

Howard Brown: 00:28:58

show.

Regina LaFrance: 00:28:58

Okay, so LaFrance media.com It's LA and

Regina LaFrance: 00:29:02

France like the country media.com la France. You can

Regina LaFrance: 00:29:06

read about me, you can read everything about my story and

Regina LaFrance: 00:29:11

details. If you'd like to, you can reach out to my publicist,

Regina LaFrance: 00:29:16

through the website, and Facebook, Shayla, the book that

Regina LaFrance: 00:29:21

does all and go to YouTube and look up shayla book trailer. So

Regina LaFrance: 00:29:26

you can watch my seven minute video. And if I could leave

Regina LaFrance: 00:29:31

everyone with something is look in the mirror and say I am

Regina LaFrance: 00:29:36

enough. And remember we have two of these and two of these in one

Regina LaFrance: 00:29:42

of these. So let's listen more. Let's observe more and no

Regina LaFrance: 00:29:47

response is a response. You don't have to react to

Regina LaFrance: 00:29:51

everything that you hear or everything that someone may say

Regina LaFrance: 00:29:56

to you that you may not like let them handle what it is that they

Regina LaFrance: 00:30:02

like or don't like, instead within yourself with love for self

Howard Brown: 00:30:07

Beautiful? Well, I thank you. I know that the book

Howard Brown: 00:30:11

is, it's intense. It's powerful. It teaches. It's your heart, and

Howard Brown: 00:30:16

you are a shining Ladybug. And so thank you for being here and

Howard Brown: 00:30:20

sharing your story. And I don't know, you probably helped

Howard Brown: 00:30:25

countless people and your book will be made into a movie. I

Howard Brown: 00:30:29

feel it. I feel in my bones.

Regina LaFrance: 00:30:31

Yes.

Howard Brown: 00:30:32

Yeah. So thank you for watching or listening, the

Howard Brown: 00:30:35

shining brightly show, I give a shout out to the people that

Howard Brown: 00:30:39

sponsor and lift me up my publisher financial publishing,

Howard Brown: 00:30:42

read the spirit magazine, my podcast house, the amplify you

Howard Brown: 00:30:46

network. And just thank you for your support. And you can reach

Howard Brown: 00:30:50

me at shining brightly.com And you can find out about my book

Howard Brown: 00:30:53

and you can find out about my speaking my motivational

Howard Brown: 00:30:57

speaking, and this lovely podcast and my advocacy which is

Howard Brown: 00:31:00

so important to me, which is supporting entrepreneurship and

Howard Brown: 00:31:04

Babson College, supporting the cancer world, go get screened,

Howard Brown: 00:31:07

don't get cancer, live a healthy lifestyle. And lastly,

Howard Brown: 00:31:11

interfaith relations that makes the world just a better, more

Howard Brown: 00:31:14

well rounded place when you know the other so, as we always say,

Howard Brown: 00:31:18

to close the show, we hope that you will shine brightly for

Howard Brown: 00:31:22

yourself. Go lift up others in your neighbourhoods in your

Howard Brown: 00:31:25

communities, and the world will become a better place. Thank you.

Regina LaFrance: 00:31:29

Thank you