Episode 81

GOOD GRIEF, CELEBRATE YOUR LIFE With Jason Harris

Episode Summary – HONORING MEMORIAL DAY AND HOW WE DEAL WITH DEATH, GRIEF AND LOSS. In Episode 81 of the Shining Brightly Podcast Show (links in the comments), please meet Jason Harris, who is a Celebrant. What is that? He presides over funeral services and families that are grieving to bring warmth. blessings, laughter and joy to the support the family and honor the memory of the deceased. Come listen, download, share and review this very relevant show as we visit the cycle of life!

Mentioned Resources –

Book Links: 

About the guest –  

Jason Harris is an esteemed celebrant and visionary founder of Mourning Into Dancing. With his groundbreaking book, Good Grief: Celebrate Your Life, he has revolutionized the landscape of funeral services, infusing them with a unique blend of laughter and warmth that resonates deeply with families. Through his role as a trusted advisor to funeral directors, Jason addresses prevalent issues such as the decline in prearranged funeral planning and the prevalence of mediocre funerals, offering invaluable solutions to prevent burnout and enhance family healing and funeral experiences.

About the Host:

Howard Brown is a best-selling author, award-winning international speaker, Silicon Valley entrepreneur, interfaith peacemaker, and a two-time stage IV cancer survivor. He is also a sought-after speaker and consultant for corporate businesses, nonprofits, congregations, and community groups. Howard has co-founded two social networks that were the first to connect religious communities around the world. He is a nationally known patient advocate and “cancer whisperer” to many families. Howard, his wife Lisa, and daughter Emily currently reside in Michigan, and his happy place is on the basketball court.

Website

Http://www.shiningbrightly.com

Social Media

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/howard.brown.36

LinkedIn - https://wwwlinkedin.com/in/howardsbrown

Instagram - @howard.brown.36


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Transcript
Howard Brown:

Welcome to the shiny brightly show. I'm Howard

Howard Brown:

Brown author speaker, Silicon Valley entrepreneur,

Howard Brown:

international peacemaker, and yes to time stage for cancer

Howard Brown:

patients, survivor and advocate. Each episode will take you from

Howard Brown:

resilience to hope and a whole lot more. Because Shining

Howard Brown:

Brightly does make the world a better place. Be prepared to be

Howard Brown:

inspired.

Howard Brown:

Hello, it's Howard Brown, Mr. Shining Brightly. I got a great

Howard Brown:

show for you. Today we are going to go and learn. We are going to

Howard Brown:

learn about grief because it is part of the cycle of life. And I

Howard Brown:

have Jason Harris here. Cool new guy just met Jason Welcome. How

Howard Brown:

are you?

Jason Harris:

I'm doing great. I'm so happy about being here.

Howard Brown:

Oh so good. I'm glad to hear you. We're, we're

Howard Brown:

gonna motivate, educate, and inspire. But we're gonna teach

Howard Brown:

some people today and I'm really happy that you're here. Let me

Howard Brown:

let me tell you, Jason is an impressive guy. So let me tell

Howard Brown:

you a little bit about him. So Jason Harris is an esteemed

Howard Brown:

celebrant, you're gonna learn how to celebrate is and a

Howard Brown:

visionary founder of mourning into dancing. With his

Howard Brown:

groundbreaking book, Good grief, celebrate your life. He's

Howard Brown:

revelate revolutionise the landscape of funeral service,

Howard Brown:

infusing them with a unique blend of laughter and warmth

Howard Brown:

that resonates deeply with families. Through his role as a

Howard Brown:

trusted adviser to funeral directors, Jason addresses

Howard Brown:

prevalent issues such as the decline in pre arranged funeral

Howard Brown:

planning, and the prevalence of mediocre funerals, and offering

Howard Brown:

invaluable solutions to prevent burnout, enhance family healing,

Howard Brown:

and the funeral experience. It's just really, really important

Howard Brown:

because I have to tell you, this resonates with me, and why I

Howard Brown:

wanted Jason on the show is that I work in the cancer business. I

Howard Brown:

am a patient advocate and a patient expert. And

Howard Brown:

unfortunately, in colorectal cancer, Jason, this is going to

Howard Brown:

be astonishing 152 or 3000. Diagnosis this year, the number

Howard Brown:

one killer for men under 50. number one killer for women,

Howard Brown:

breast cancer is still the number one for women under 50.

Howard Brown:

That means 100,000 People are going to be in treatment. Why?

Howard Brown:

Because 1/3 53,000 people in the US will die from colorectal

Howard Brown:

cancer this year. That means there will be grief and loss and

Howard Brown:

mourning and weighing, you know, seeing you know how to put your

Howard Brown:

life back together again, when you lose a family, a friend, a

Howard Brown:

co worker. So we're going to talk about that. But before I do

Howard Brown:

that, tell me some we may not know about you.

Jason Harris:

Well, ah, I have five kids. And when my second

Jason Harris:

child was being born, right before she was delivered, the

Jason Harris:

nurse midwife turned to me and she said would you like to catch

Jason Harris:

and I panicked? And I said no. And so I didn't. But then I

Jason Harris:

thought that would have been so cool. And so the next daughter I

Jason Harris:

had that was born we made it a part of the plan and I can

Jason Harris:

literally tell my daughter I brought you enter this world I

Jason Harris:

got to cut the cord on all of them but to literally deliver my

Jason Harris:

child Emily was a true blessing to me was awesome. So

Howard Brown:

my daughter is also Emily okay, my one and I

Howard Brown:

cut the cord and I watched her come into this world but I was

Howard Brown:

not the catcher I was right there though. Right? They're the

Howard Brown:

action right but had the box seat for sure. Wow. It's just a

Howard Brown:

beautiful thing. That's that now we're talking about now bring

Howard Brown:

someone into this world and life. Give me a little

Howard Brown:

background. Tell me Tell Tell Tell my audience and listeners

Howard Brown:

about about you and how you got into this line of work.

Jason Harris:

You know, it's fascinating, and it's a great

Jason Harris:

question I was I went to Bible College and Seminary I was

Jason Harris:

called a ministry when I was about 18 years old became

Jason Harris:

licenced and ordained, and I was off and running with a lot of

Jason Harris:

excitement. And I've been in youth ministry, I've led

Jason Harris:

worship, I've been an associate pastor, I've been a pastor, a

Jason Harris:

church planter, and, and all of that. And so I've and all the

Jason Harris:

years that I was the pastor of a church, it's the expectation if

Jason Harris:

one of your parishioners died, that you do the funeral, the

Jason Harris:

pastor's just expected to do the funeral if one of your church

Jason Harris:

members now fast forward about let's say about 17 years ago, I

Jason Harris:

experienced a lot of tragedy in my life, a lot of failure. And I

Jason Harris:

was actually out of ministry for a while and and I got into sales

Jason Harris:

and fast forwarding really fast into I became a really good

Jason Harris:

salesman and like, you know, Windows and Siding and home

Jason Harris:

improvement and things like that. And then I moved back to

Jason Harris:

Texas so I knew I was going to need another sales job. I was

Jason Harris:

I'm married. And I saw this ad for pre need funeral

Jason Harris:

arrangements pre need funeral insurance. And be honest with

Jason Harris:

you, Howard, my initial reaction to that was, that sounds morbid,

Jason Harris:

that doesn't sound very fun at all. And so I kind of pushed it

Jason Harris:

aside for a while, but it became, you know, probably my

Jason Harris:

better option. And so I went to hear about this premium funeral

Jason Harris:

insurance. And I was so intrigued by what it was that I

Jason Harris:

thought people would be crazy not to pre arrange their own

Jason Harris:

funeral just save so much heartache and emotional trauma

Jason Harris:

and everything for someone to have to make 100 decisions on

Jason Harris:

the worst day of their life when someone passes away. And so I

Jason Harris:

got really good at the job. And then the company I worked for

Jason Harris:

said, we'd like for you to be our East Texas market sales

Jason Harris:

manager. And so my job was to start working with about 50

Jason Harris:

Different funeral homes all across Texas. Well, word got

Jason Harris:

around that Jason also has a ministry background and can do a

Jason Harris:

pretty good funeral. And so I started being asked to speak at

Jason Harris:

funerals for families that didn't have a minister or a

Jason Harris:

church or whatever. Well, there was a brand new aspect to this.

Jason Harris:

Almost all of the funerals I was being asked to do was for

Jason Harris:

someone I didn't know. Most pastors are asked to do a

Jason Harris:

funeral for somebody they know. And so how am I going to lead a

Jason Harris:

life celebration? Because that's the way I view funerals. Our not

Jason Harris:

as some traditional, sad, sombre, morose occasion that so

Jason Harris:

many traditional funerals are, I believe that we should really

Jason Harris:

celebrate someone's life. And so I thought, How am I going to do

Jason Harris:

that? If I didn't know and I didn't want to pretend like I

Jason Harris:

knew them. So I came up with five questions. And these five

Jason Harris:

questions if I can ask as many family members as possible

Jason Harris:

brands, put the questions out the night before the service

Jason Harris:

like visitation. It's not only going to be a very personalised

Jason Harris:

eulogy and service what I never get tired of hearing. I've heard

Jason Harris:

from a dozen funeral directors, Jason, we've never heard so much

Jason Harris:

laughter coming out of our chapel than when you do services

Jason Harris:

here. And you know what, I'll take that. I loved it. The first

Jason Harris:

time, I saw a funeral director literally appear in from the

Jason Harris:

back of the chapel to see what in the world is going on in

Jason Harris:

there? Because why is everyone laughing? Why is that it is a

Jason Harris:

funeral, right? But there was laughter now there's also tears,

Jason Harris:

but you know, laughter through tears happens to be a very human

Jason Harris:

emotion.

Howard Brown:

Yeah, this, this is really interesting. One of

Howard Brown:

the things that we're talking back in the in the greenroom

Howard Brown:

before the show came on, is that you're telling me that many

Howard Brown:

folks in pastors and ministers, they get very just a small taste

Howard Brown:

of training on actually how to conduct a service, a funeral

Howard Brown:

service, which many do call a celebration of life. I'm not

Howard Brown:

sure why that is. But it's really important. I, you know,

Howard Brown:

we come at it from you know, different ways. But in the

Howard Brown:

Jewish world, the rabbi who's who's doing the service

Howard Brown:

typically, doesn't always have to be a rabbi, but they do

Howard Brown:

typically sit with the family members, and they're trying to

Howard Brown:

think about their entire developed life, their impacts

Howard Brown:

their interests, some of the things that they made mistakes

Howard Brown:

with, and you know, you can you want to talk about that. And

Howard Brown:

what we say, at least in the Jewish world is made their

Howard Brown:

memory and name before a blessing. Because you don't even

Howard Brown:

have 144 characters on a tombstone, right, we're really

Howard Brown:

going to remember them. So when we speak of someone that has

Howard Brown:

passed, we are honouring their memory, we are honouring their

Howard Brown:

name, and they want you to say their name and things like that.

Howard Brown:

So to me, one of the striking things you told me and getting

Howard Brown:

to know you is that there's relatively very little training

Howard Brown:

for that in being a pastor and a minister. But you've taken this

Howard Brown:

to a whole nother level, this is now your calling. It's really

Howard Brown:

great. Do you want to talk about the five things that you do?

Jason Harris:

Absolutely, as a matter of fact, that and that's

Jason Harris:

been so revealing for me, that not only wasn't my experience

Jason Harris:

that I had only one lecture, not one course, one lecture on

Jason Harris:

funerals, that was coupled with also doing communion and baptism

Jason Harris:

and weddings. But it was just really about protocol. And so,

Jason Harris:

but not only is there not training for how to really help

Jason Harris:

a family, celebrate the life and then follow up with them and the

Jason Harris:

aftercare, not a very important part that we'll talk about in a

Jason Harris:

moment. But people in general are not really, I mean, did you

Jason Harris:

take a course in high school about helping your grieving

Jason Harris:

friends? I mean, no one is really instructed on grief

Jason Harris:

support. And so you have the other side of this where you've

Jason Harris:

got an entire community of people that all they really know

Jason Harris:

are common cliches that you say when you find out your loved one

Jason Harris:

passes. And they'll say something like, well, at least

Jason Harris:

they're in a better place, or at least they're not suffering, or

Jason Harris:

whatever.

Howard Brown:

No, they'll say sorry for your loss. Yeah,

Howard Brown:

basically, the standard is sorry for your loss, right? It's

Jason Harris:

almost like saying, how's it going? Right?

Jason Harris:

But it's our vernacular when someone passes. And so both

Jason Harris:

sides really need to be educated. And that's why I'm

Jason Harris:

very passionate with mourning into dancing. But yes, the five

Jason Harris:

questions that I asked that, that I've, you know, if you get

Jason Harris:

the book, you'll see four different applications to these

Jason Harris:

five questions. And the first one is very simple at, I want to

Jason Harris:

know what did you call this person. And so someone has

Jason Harris:

passed away many times, sadly, the pastor is given an obituary

Jason Harris:

about 15 minutes before a service starts. And so they read

Jason Harris:

the obituary, sometimes badly, and they stumble over names, and

Jason Harris:

sometimes mispronounce names, but then you never hear the

Jason Harris:

name. Again, they'll preach a sermon on heaven or something

Jason Harris:

like that. And so when my grandmother, my father's mother

Jason Harris:

passed away, 25 years ago, if someone would have just read the

Jason Harris:

obituary, and talked about Mabel Lee Harris, how are they okay?

Jason Harris:

That's my grandmother's name, but I, I called her memo. And so

Jason Harris:

I want to know, a term of endearment, a familiar term a

Jason Harris:

term that, that, that's music to our ears, we love the sound of

Jason Harris:

our loved ones name. But we also love the sound that we call

Jason Harris:

them. And so I don't I mean, I go by my middle name, my actual

Jason Harris:

name is Nick, Jason Harris. But if somebody just was handed an

Jason Harris:

obituary at my funeral, and they kept, they would just assume

Jason Harris:

that everyone calls me, Nick, and everyone would be looking at

Jason Harris:

each other, like, Who's he talking about? And so that's the

Jason Harris:

first thing. And by the way, when I share the answers that I

Jason Harris:

harvest at the eulogy itself, I instruct the crowd that has

Jason Harris:

gathered, look, we're going to use our imagination and not

Jason Harris:

think of this place as a Funeral Chapel, but rather a giant

Jason Harris:

living room. And we're going to sit around with this family, and

Jason Harris:

we're going to celebrate their mother, their sister, their

Jason Harris:

whoever the person is, and we're going to celebrate that person.

Jason Harris:

And you know, that first, they're all looking like, Okay,

Jason Harris:

what does that look like? Because they're used to just

Jason Harris:

coming to a funeral setting, sadly, and sombre? And no,

Jason Harris:

there's no participation. But by the second question, which is,

Jason Harris:

if you could describe this person with only one word, what

Jason Harris:

would it be? And I'm asking for one word, I'm not asking for a

Jason Harris:

speech. And so and I've already got in my manuscript, the

Jason Harris:

answers from the family members that I've already asked. And

Jason Harris:

they might say, my mother was fun. And I might say she was

Jason Harris:

disciplined or whatever. After I read all the answers that I've

Jason Harris:

harvested, I look out at the crowd, I say, Now, what are we

Jason Harris:

leaving out, I just want you to raise your hand and shout it

Jason Harris:

out. And it's like popcorn all over the chapel. The family gets

Jason Harris:

to hear these beautiful adjectives rained down on them,

Jason Harris:

that she was amazing. She was beautiful. She was funny. She

Jason Harris:

was serving, or whatever. And then some say you feel the room

Jason Harris:

kind of relax. And some start to feel the freedom to, you know,

Jason Harris:

plant their tongue firmly in their cheek and say she was

Jason Harris:

sassy. Or she was stubborn, and people start to chuckle. And in

Jason Harris:

the room, it starts to shine brightly. It's beautiful. It

Jason Harris:

starts to light up. By the time I get to the third question,

Jason Harris:

tell me one of your favourite memories ever with this person.

Jason Harris:

And that's where the laughter begins. Because most people that

Jason Harris:

I asked that question, the favourite memory is when

Jason Harris:

something crazy happened, when something audacious happened

Jason Harris:

when something was just so bizarre. And the laughter is, is

Jason Harris:

fantastic. And I'll give you an example. The first time I

Jason Harris:

started using these questions, I asked a woman whose husband had

Jason Harris:

just passed away. And they had been married for 26 years. And I

Jason Harris:

said, What is one of your favourite memories of all with

Jason Harris:

your husband? And I was expecting her to talk about

Jason Harris:

either their honeymoon or cruise, maybe they went on or

Jason Harris:

some big elaborate story. And the very first thing that fell

Jason Harris:

out of her mouth after she looked up and smiled. I knew she

Jason Harris:

had access to great memory. She said, Well, first of all, we've

Jason Harris:

got a very steep driveway. I thought okay, and she said, I

Jason Harris:

once watched my husband ride and office chair like the one I'm

Jason Harris:

sitting in right now, out the garage door, down the driveway

Jason Harris:

and across the street just to see if he could do it. And it

Jason Harris:

took me all of seven seconds to say that story. And you got a

Jason Harris:

big smile on your face and you're chuckling and you have no

Jason Harris:

idea who this man even is. But to repeat that story. At his

Jason Harris:

life celebration in a room full of people that knew he was a hey

Jason Harris:

y'all watch this kind of guy. They were holding their sides

Jason Harris:

and they were rocking in their chair and laughing, tears coming

Jason Harris:

down their face, because they could see him doing that. And so

Jason Harris:

I love that. And then some people even have the freedom to

Jason Harris:

share a couple of other stories. And it's all very organic. And

Jason Harris:

then I wrap up the last, the last two questions are simply

Jason Harris:

give me a life lesson that you've gained, having had this

Jason Harris:

person in your life very profound answers there. Someone

Jason Harris:

might say, you know, I saved my money because of my grandmother,

Jason Harris:

you know, she was born during the Great Depression and

Jason Harris:

whatever. And, or, you know, they'll they'll share something

Jason Harris:

some way that their loved one impacted their life, change

Jason Harris:

their life, by their demonstration. And then finally,

Jason Harris:

I asked if he or she could speak to you just one more time? Yeah.

Jason Harris:

What would she say to you now? And oh, my gosh, that's, that's

Jason Harris:

a very emotive question. And that's where the waterworks

Jason Harris:

usually come on. But all of it, the family feels completely

Jason Harris:

embraced not only in memory, but in the essence of who their

Jason Harris:

loved one is. And, and it's a celebration.

Howard Brown:

I really appreciate that. And I will, you

Howard Brown:

know, obviously, there's way more detail in your book, and

Howard Brown:

we'll talk about that too. But in chapter one of my book, it's

Howard Brown:

the lessons I learned from my immigrant grandmother, Bobby

Howard Brown:

Bertha bhootish. And she came from Lithuania could have been

Howard Brown:

Ukraine could it was Russia. She's called it Rashi. And she

Howard Brown:

spoke seven languages. But I remember as a little kid, she

Howard Brown:

talked to us about kindness, choosing to be kind choosing to

Howard Brown:

be giving, choosing to be healing, choosing to be

Howard Brown:

grateful, and choosing not to hate. And that's the first

Howard Brown:

chapter of my book, I just gave away the first chapter in my

Howard Brown:

book, and that's powerful. And, and the one thing that our whole

Howard Brown:

family does, I'll just share this, because it relates to what

Howard Brown:

you're saying is that, she said that found money, I'm talking,

Howard Brown:

finding a penny finding $1, finding $20 bills is not your

Howard Brown:

money, it's God's money. And we put these in what are called

Howard Brown:

Jewish piggy banks called sadaqa boxes. And we as a family still

Howard Brown:

do this today. We do this we take that we put the found money

Howard Brown:

in and it goes to someone in need. It's a beautiful,

Howard Brown:

beautiful story that she basically that that was her law,

Howard Brown:

rule of law that's called sadaqa, or the justice of

Howard Brown:

giving. And it just is ingrained in our whole family. And so when

Howard Brown:

that story was told, everybody was going, yep. Oh, yeah. And

Howard Brown:

you did it. And then you told her, You did it. And it was

Howard Brown:

really a blessing. So I resonated with those, those

Howard Brown:

questions as well. And I think that, you know, you're trying

Howard Brown:

to, you know, there's no right or wrong, but you can still

Howard Brown:

grieve you can cry, you can feel emotional, right? You're not

Howard Brown:

taking away any of that. But you are bringing some some some

Howard Brown:

information and important the life's journey together and

Howard Brown:

people are there are some really funny and crazy stuff that's

Howard Brown:

happened. So it's good to appreciate that acknowledge that

Howard Brown:

as well. And is it is this what you would call part of the

Howard Brown:

healing process this right there?

Jason Harris:

Yes, I would. But there's another aspect that I

Jason Harris:

really want your listeners to grab hold off. And that is the

Jason Harris:

truth that the family gets the most support when they feel it

Jason Harris:

the least. And that is at the funeral service that we kind of

Jason Harris:

have the whole Grief Support System flipped on its head. And

Jason Harris:

that is, you know, so everyone comes to the funeral, they'll

Jason Harris:

take off work, they'll make arrangements so they can be

Jason Harris:

there for this family who's grieving. But the truth of the

Jason Harris:

matter is the family at that time, they're in denial. They're

Jason Harris:

in that stage of grief, where they're just sitting there

Jason Harris:

through blank stares trying to especially if it's an unexpected

Jason Harris:

death. If they have a loved one that was killed in a car

Jason Harris:

accident, they just would everything was fine a week ago,

Jason Harris:

and now they're gone. They're sitting there in this surreal

Jason Harris:

fog just trying to think am I gonna wake up this has got to be

Jason Harris:

a bad dream. Meanwhile, everyone's coming up to them

Jason Harris:

saying I'm so sorry for your loss. They're hugging them and

Jason Harris:

things. And, and so most families feel abandoned after

Jason Harris:

the funeral. Because for maybe a few days after the funeral,

Jason Harris:

people bring casseroles or they'll make phone calls or

Jason Harris:

whatever else. But even then the grief support tends to be over

Jason Harris:

the top cliche. And, and so but after a couple of weeks, all of

Jason Harris:

it dies off. And that is about the time that the reality is

Jason Harris:

setting in. And that's when they need you the most. And so a

Jason Harris:

couple of things I would encourage your listeners with is

Jason Harris:

something I started about five years ago is a tangible reminder

Jason Harris:

to stay on the journey with the family. And so I started making

Jason Harris:

these match boxes, they look like this. And I can get a 10

Jason Harris:

pack from Walmart for 97 cents. And there's a label on one side

Jason Harris:

that is a picture of a loved one that had passed away. This lady

Jason Harris:

passed just a year ago this month. And on the back are some

Jason Harris:

things that represent the As that she loves. But it's just a

Jason Harris:

personal tangible reminder, what I do when I get up the end of

Jason Harris:

the service is I'll say, on behalf of this family, I want to

Jason Harris:

thank everyone for being here. But I'm going to tell you

Jason Harris:

something you may or may not know, they don't really know

Jason Harris:

that you're here today. That's why the funeral home gives them

Jason Harris:

a book with all of your signatures in it. So they can go

Jason Harris:

back and say, Oh, wow, I didn't remember her being here. Wow,

Jason Harris:

they came all the way from Louisiana, or whatever. But they

Jason Harris:

don't know you're here today, it's in a couple of weeks that

Jason Harris:

the reality is going to set in the first tsunami of grief is

Jason Harris:

going to just knock them off their feet. And that's when

Jason Harris:

you're going to be back to work. So please take one of these

Jason Harris:

match boxes on, put it in your kitchen junk drawer, because I

Jason Harris:

know you've got one. Some of you have three. And I want you to

Jason Harris:

keep it in there. And this is what's going to happen

Jason Harris:

throughout the year while this family is going through all

Jason Harris:

these firsts. First birthday, Sunday is Mother's Day. By the

Jason Harris:

way, if you know anyone who's lost a loved one this year,

Jason Harris:

remember that this may be their first Mother's Day without mom

Jason Harris:

without the grandmother, without a son or daughter. But besides

Jason Harris:

that, every holiday every Thanksgiving, every whatever.

Jason Harris:

But if throughout the year, you just go to like birthday

Jason Harris:

candles, or a dinner candle or a fire in the fireplace, or a

Jason Harris:

barbecue, pit or whatever. Or if you're just going for that pair

Jason Harris:

of scissors or roll the tape and you roll that junk drawer out.

Jason Harris:

And you see her looking up at you. You don't need these to

Jason Harris:

remember her. We're all gonna remember her, or reach out to

Jason Harris:

her daughter, reach out to her son reach out to her brother to

Jason Harris:

her husband to whoever in the family. And I want you to say,

Jason Harris:

remember those matchboxes, the weird bald guy gave us at your

Jason Harris:

grandmother's funeral. I don't remember his name, we thought

Jason Harris:

he'd never shut up. But we just use those matches today. And I

Jason Harris:

just want you to know, we sure miss her. And you have no idea

Jason Harris:

what that means to get a random phone call out of nowhere to

Jason Harris:

say, you're not alone. We're on the journey with you. And that's

Jason Harris:

one of the most important things you can do. Don't tell somebody

Jason Harris:

just call me if you need anything, they're not going to

Jason Harris:

do that. Don't call somebody two weeks after death and say How

Jason Harris:

are you doing? Nobody wants to answer that question. It's not

Jason Harris:

a, but if you just want to say, you know, nobody made barbecue

Jason Harris:

ribs like your dad, and I give anything to have some of those

Jason Harris:

ribs again, I assure missing and I know you do, too. I'm thinking

Jason Harris:

about you praying for you, or whatever, stay on the journey.

Jason Harris:

Sorry for the long monologue there.

Howard Brown:

No, but it's the match book, it's a great thing

Howard Brown:

because you can light a candle and then pass it on and tell

Howard Brown:

them you know, God, I thought about your mom, your dad, your

Howard Brown:

sister, your brother, your friend, your coworker. And this

Howard Brown:

is what reminded me of that special that is that is really

Howard Brown:

honouring their memory and their name. So I love it. It's really,

Howard Brown:

really important. I just, it's really important. So a couple of

Howard Brown:

the key takeaways that you spoke really quickly. And I and people

Howard Brown:

will we'll talk about the book in a second. But it's really

Howard Brown:

important some of that planning. I mean, one of that is a really

Howard Brown:

important job and important point about making some of those

Howard Brown:

arrangements and your wishes known. And even for you know,

Howard Brown:

I'm going through a loss with my mother in law now and there's

Howard Brown:

just no was no will. Her wishes were not known. And so we're

Howard Brown:

making assumptions. We're doing what we feel is best and right,

Howard Brown:

you know, to honour her and then to her memory and also handle

Howard Brown:

her estate and things like that. So it's very interesting. The

Howard Brown:

other thing is, is that you're right, you're in the moment and

Howard Brown:

you're Nam. And it's not until like a few weeks later that

Howard Brown:

you're you know, you got to get back to work and back to your

Howard Brown:

life. And that's when you're really trying to process and

Howard Brown:

heal. So really excellent points. I appreciate that.

Howard Brown:

Let's, let's talk about your book for a second. Good grief,

Howard Brown:

celebrate your life. And you've you tell us about how it there

Howard Brown:

it is you're holding it up beautiful. And available, I'm

Howard Brown:

sure on Amazon and tell us a little bit about how you got the

Howard Brown:

book put together. Well,

Jason Harris:

when this since these five questions began, it's

Jason Harris:

just a way for me to write a meaningful eulogy for someone I

Jason Harris:

didn't know. The next application for it took me by

Jason Harris:

surprise and it happened very organically. I was flying

Jason Harris:

somewhere. I was unmarried at the time single for about five

Jason Harris:

years. And so it was everywhere I went I was by myself. And so

Jason Harris:

if you're sitting next to me on the aeroplane, I am that guy

Jason Harris:

that is going to talk to you. And before we ever pull away

Jason Harris:

from the gate and we have already asked you Are you coming

Jason Harris:

or going are you visiting friends or family? What do you

Jason Harris:

do? And when they reciprocate and saying okay, this guy's not

Jason Harris:

going to shut up until I talk to him. Almost everyone that I tell

Jason Harris:

All that I am a certified celebrant, that's a fancy word

Jason Harris:

for a guy that speaks at funerals, but it's my passion.

Jason Harris:

And I love helping people with grief support. Nine out of 10

Jason Harris:

people, as soon as I tell them that immediately say, Wow, where

Jason Harris:

were you two years ago, when my mother died, they will tell me

Jason Harris:

about someone that they'd lost. And the first time that

Jason Harris:

happened, the thing that naturally fell out of my mouth

Jason Harris:

was Do you mind if I asked you a few questions about your mother?

Jason Harris:

And I've never had anybody say, No, I don't want to talk about

Jason Harris:

her. They brought her up. And so I began asking the five

Jason Harris:

questions. And this perfect stranger who I didn't know, just

Jason Harris:

20 minutes ago, is opening up to me about their loved one. And

Jason Harris:

we're laughing together. And by that fifth question, we're both

Jason Harris:

crying together. And that's real as genuine. And I get text

Jason Harris:

messages. Howard, sometimes three hours after we land, from

Jason Harris:

someone saying, You have no idea how much I needed that. Now I

Jason Harris:

tell you that story. Because the first time that happened, I

Jason Harris:

thought, wow, I kind of have something here. I know that I

Jason Harris:

had these questions for writing a eulogy. But what just happened

Jason Harris:

back there was so organic and so beautiful, and so meaningful.

Jason Harris:

Isn't that a much better way? To respond to someone who says I

Jason Harris:

lost my mother two years ago? Then Oh, sorry for your loss?

Jason Harris:

How about them cowboys, and I'm going to change the subject,

Jason Harris:

because I'm suddenly very uncomfortable with your grief.

Jason Harris:

And I don't want to say anything that might make you cry. Because

Jason Harris:

you do that, you got nothing. You let them talk about their

Jason Harris:

loved one. And you've got healing happening. And it's

Jason Harris:

amazing. And then the more I thought about that, I thought

Jason Harris:

there's other applications to these questions. And I would

Jason Harris:

love to tell your listeners about it right now. But I don't

Jason Harris:

want to spoil it. But that's why it happened to be just about the

Jason Harris:

the eve of my 51st birthday, it was on Valentine's Day 2020. We

Jason Harris:

all remember what was happening on February of 2020, we were all

Jason Harris:

told to shelter in place, and we couldn't go anywhere. And so I

Jason Harris:

looked down on my little dog and I said, Chewy, I'm gonna write a

Jason Harris:

book. And he looked back up at me and he said, Okay, and so

Jason Harris:

since I didn't have anywhere else to go, I was unmarried. And

Jason Harris:

since I had my dogs permission, I began writing just as fast as

Jason Harris:

I could think of each chapter. And within about six weeks, I

Jason Harris:

had the book written. And so I was sharing different chapters,

Jason Harris:

as I was writing them to people that I knew had lost a loved one

Jason Harris:

that year. And I just asked, I'd love to get your feedback on

Jason Harris:

some of this. And one of them was a widow, that had just lost

Jason Harris:

her husband. And I actually kept her endorsement in the book. And

Jason Harris:

I won't read it to you right now. But I had other people

Jason Harris:

telling me after the book was written, I've read books about

Jason Harris:

grief before, but I've never read anything quite like this.

Jason Harris:

Because it's not going to sound like a textbook, it's going to

Jason Harris:

sound exactly like you and I are talking right now. And I wrote

Jason Harris:

it in the vernacular of a conversation with a reader. In

Jason Harris:

fact, if you read this book, the books dedicated to you. This the

Jason Harris:

book is dedicated to the reader and, and in the memory of any

Jason Harris:

person that you have lost. And so it's dedicated to you and

Jason Harris:

your loved one. So I had a great time writing the book, my

Jason Harris:

favourite chapter is about the lessons from a hobbit a grief

Jason Harris:

dog in a box of matches. And so you've already heard about the

Jason Harris:

box of matches, you'll just have to read about the Hobbit and The

Jason Harris:

grief dog.

Howard Brown:

Yeah, it's a good tease. It's a great tease. Well,

Howard Brown:

this is really important. I think this is why I brought you

Howard Brown:

on is that we you know, I've never met a celebrant, I maybe I

Howard Brown:

have but they were in the form of a pastor or rabbi or a

Howard Brown:

minister or were just a friend. But I appreciate that this is

Howard Brown:

important. It's part of life. And we the living need to carry

Howard Brown:

on, you know, in that memory, so I'm gonna ask you to put on your

Howard Brown:

sunglasses. Put on your sunglasses, because this is the

Howard Brown:

shining brightly spotlight, Jason Harris, tell people how

Howard Brown:

they can get a hold of you. And then leave us with a little bit

Howard Brown:

of inspiration. And I'll kick it back to me to close out the

Howard Brown:

show. That

Jason Harris:

sounds fantastic. And yes, and you won't believe

Jason Harris:

the domain name that was available to me when I created

Jason Harris:

my website is called Speaker json.com And my passion I love

Jason Harris:

to do public speaking I'd love any opportunity to do a keynote

Jason Harris:

at your any kind of convention or anything like that. So

Jason Harris:

speaker json.com There's a link in that website that will take

Jason Harris:

you to the book. The book is also available on Audible as

Jason Harris:

read by the author. And so you can find it there. And and so,

Jason Harris:

and then of course, I believe that he's going to show in the

Jason Harris:

show notes how you can get in touch with me on social media

Jason Harris:

Facebook link Then, and things like that.

Howard Brown:

Absolutely. So hit me up with some inspiration to

Howard Brown:

close out the show.

Jason Harris:

Well, it's so important, I said, the most

Jason Harris:

important thing you can do for anybody is just to stay on the

Jason Harris:

journey. If you ever wondered what to say, when you wrap your

Jason Harris:

arms around, someone who's lost a loved one is to get close to

Jason Harris:

their ear and simply say, you're not alone. Don't say anything to

Jason Harris:

cliches. Don't say anything that starts with at least, and let

Jason Harris:

them know that you're going to stay with them on the journey.

Jason Harris:

Because grief is a journey, grief never goes away. It's as

Jason Harris:

unique as our fingerprints. So you can never say to someone, I

Jason Harris:

know how you feel. Because you don't, you just need to let them

Jason Harris:

know that you're there, and that they're not alone. And you're

Jason Harris:

going to stay with them on the journey. So it's so important to

Jason Harris:

do that.

Howard Brown:

I love it. Healing is happening. Thank you, Jason.

Howard Brown:

So this has been a very informative show. And maybe not

Howard Brown:

what people expected. But you can check out you know, me at

Howard Brown:

shining brightly.com I want to give thanks to my publishing

Howard Brown:

house furnish publishing, also read the spirit.com and the

Howard Brown:

people from amplify you my podcasts team that makes me

Howard Brown:

great and look great and sound great every week. So thank you.

Howard Brown:

And at shining brightly.com You can learn about me as a speaker

Howard Brown:

me as an author and me as a podcaster. But also more

Howard Brown:

importantly, my advocacy in the cancer world the

Howard Brown:

entrepreneurship and mentorship world and in the interfaith

Howard Brown:

world, which is very, very important to me. So remember, if

Howard Brown:

you choose to keep shining brightly, just a little bit each

Howard Brown:

day for yourself first and then go lift up others, the world

Howard Brown:

will be better place. Jason Harris celebrant thank you for

Howard Brown:

being there. And I really enjoyed this show. Thank you.

Howard Brown:

Thank you so much

Howard Brown:

Thank you. I hope you enjoyed this episode of shining brightly

Howard Brown:

with me Howard Brown, come interact with me shining

Howard Brown:

brightly.com And remember to keep on shining

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Shining Brightly
Shining Brightly every day does make the world better place! Be prepared to be inspired!

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Howard Brown